December Baby. December, Baby.

December is a holiday month: Kwanza, Hanukkah, Fiesta of our Lady of Guadalupe, Omisoka/New Years Eve, Yule, Boxing Day, Christmas and etc. To name a few, as it were. It’s the time of the Winter Solstice. It also happens to be my birth month. Yay!

Although this year is feeling more like MEH.

I’ll be 29 this month. THIS MONTH. That’s a year away from 30!

And I most certainly do not have my shit figured out, pardon my French.

Whether it’s from people I know, people I idolize on the internet, or someone I happened to overhear on the street at 2AM, I hear the same age old wisdom: Your twenties are for experimentation and your thirties (and onward) are implementation. In other words, you work on figuring everything out in your twenties by making a series of mistakes, and then you act like you know what you’re doing because you base it off of what you learned from said mistakes or something.

This is terrifying to me.

Everyone makes it sound like I should have everything under control and understood by the time I’m done with this decade in my life. You might feel the same way. I don’t think it has much validity though. I’m not so sure if it’s because I don’t or because I know that’s bullshit. Yeah, I wanted my life to be fairly different from what it is now, so do a lot of people, but regardless of that, I know nobody is going to have everything figured out. Some, or most, people never will, in fact, and that’s fine. Or I think that’s fine.

What I’ve learned growing up is that there’s no significant shift between child and adult, not even in teenage years, but a gradual change where you have more responsibilities, stresses, freedoms, and challenges. People don’t suddenly turn into an adult just like people don’t magically have their shit under control because they’ve reached a certain age. You also don’t get rid of your past or who you were, you change from it and from that person. Besides, if you’re not growing and learning, then what are you doing?

Probably nothing, that’s what. You’re growing stagnant. You’re getting stuck in your ways. That’s my fear.

Ultimately, it comes back to creating for me. If you’re making something, doing some art medium, and you’re churning out piece after piece but the pieces are all the same, then I feel like you’re a failure or that I’m a failure, really. I mean, you can be financially successful, but that doesn’t mean that you are successful in your art. After a while, you’re not creating anymore, you’re just doing. If you’ve learned everything there is to know about your art, and you feel there’s nothing else to learn, then you’re hindering yourself or not challenging the medium enough, and I think that’s problematic.

What I’m trying to say is, there’s a difference between being knowledgeable and thinking you know all there is to know. You can’t know everything. In the words of Luke Skywalker, portrayed by Mark Hamill, “That’s not true! That’s impossible!” Don’t look into the context of that quote, please…

You can still imagine you’re omniscient like someone who has specialized their craft i.e. perhaps you’ve gone to school to master one type of Japanese glaze because most of the Japanese glazes I’m familiar with are difficult to work with and do require a greater understanding of what goes into them. You can become a master of that glaze, but not of ceramics. If you’re wondering why I bring up this oddly specific example it’s because I recently went to an exhibit in an art museum that demonstrated Japanese ceramics. It was gorgeous. I digress. I’m aware that I really shouldn’t downplay the importance of specialization within the arts. It is important to have experts, after all, but one thing for me that not only gives me a reason to continue but a reason to do anything at all, is the act of improving and learning. Without that, I don’t see a point.

I don’t mean to anger or insult anyone here, by the way. It’s more of a personal reflection than an attack. Monotonous repetition and a lack of stimulation and challenge is a nightmare for me. I hope that some of you will be able to sympathize with this.

If you’re wondering why I chose to go on this lengthy, analogical tangent when all I really wanted to do was exercise my insecurities over age and self-worth, well… Yes, I could’ve done that. I definitely could’ve done that because, as a creative person, my life falls under the theme I gave this blog. The point is, I wanted to be ridiculous.

This is one of those things where I’m already aware of where I want to go and where I’m going, but I don’t want to get there and have everything end. It’s the journey, not the destination. Yes, more wise colloquialisms. And if the destination is to have everything experienced, never have any surprises, good or bad, and have an easier life, then I don’t think I want it, necessarily.  This coming from the guy with a General Anxiety Disorder. Hence the beginning of this post.

Ha ha. Mental illness. Ha ha. That post will probably come at a later time.

To summarize: Everyone moves at their own pace. No one will have everything together. We all age. Some of us need to be constantly improving, and some of us are where we want to be. Age is a number. There are a lot of holidays in December. Etc.

Sound good?

Bottom line, don’t worry. Whether or not things don’t seem to be going your way, that’s something that happens, and is a thing that you can get over and/or improve. Also, work hard and create. Enjoy December too!

 

Yours,

 

Nathan

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It’s November: A Time To Be Grateful Or Novel Writing Or Not Shaving Or Something.

Sometimes the end of the year hits or nears or looms and I’m left without a sense of motivation or anything to do. With that in mind, I wanted to give a few examples of things that can be done in November, and then I wanted to try to tie them into being creative or close to it. This intro reminds me of the old way they used to teach us how to write essays: No surprises. Well, maybe just a few.

THANKSGIVING

It’s definitely Autumn (colloquially Fall in the States). The US is closing in on participating in what is known as Thanksgiving. It’s a day that devolved into a national holiday where we usually eat too much turkey and a number of other somewhat traditional foods to the point where we’re too full and enter a state of rest similar to that of a coma. Not to say that’s a bad thing, I love the food, but there’s supposed to be more to it than that.

Now, let’s forget for a moment that the original meal was thanks to Native Americans in some way helping out people coming from Europe and that those same European immigrants attempted and at times were successful at genocide of the native populations, said the white man writing this blog… The real object of the holiday isn’t intended to be that of gluttony, although it often is, but to think on your blessings and what you’re grateful for at the time.

You may be like, “What does this [American] tradition have to do with being creative?” Good question, me and/or reader if you actually thought of it. I find that, after a while, I lose sight of the good things in my life, and I not only become disappointed but wholly dissatisfied with it. This puts me in a state where I’m not just incapable of creating, which I do become, but I’m not really capable of doing much of anything. For instance, although I might not like my job, it pays and gives me benefits that currently keep me alive, for example. What I’m trying to say here is that it’s good to get perspective on things.

Yes, it’s difficult, if not close to impossible, for most of us to do what we want to do if it’s something artistic, BUT there are plenty of good things going on as well, things you can use to help motivate you. Also, being unhappy puts a strain and often a stop to creativity. I highly advise against it.

NANOWRIMO

Maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “What is that? That’s not a word!” That’s appropriate if you did think that. I once had that same reaction. Also, you’d be correct in thinking that’s technically not a word, but I digress.

Most people don’t know what that is. I know I was unaware of it until around 2009 when I was in undergrad. It stands for National Novel Writing Month. It happens every year on the same month, November. It’s starts on the 1st and ends at 11:59PM on the 30th.

Here’s the premise for the whole month, essentially, people set out to write a whole, full length novel in the course of a month. That’s something I wouldn’t necessarily recommend. The length goal is  50,000 words. The writing process resembles a marathon. You even have to pace yourself. If you don’t meet a word goal of about 1,667 words a day, then it’s important to think about either giving up or giving yourself more time and not participating in this. I’ve known some people to spend the greater part of a year preparing for this event. I’ve seen layouts of plot points, characters, and themes, much like I’ve seen with others who wrote novels in grad school with me over the course of several months. I’ll take a moment to add here that there are other versions of this like NaPoWriMo, but that’s during another month.

Obviously, this is creative. The idea of writing a novel in a month seems preposterous. Yet, at the same time, I think it’s important to challenge yourself in your craft and see what you can do. There’s nothing quite like honing your skills like using them in a difficult way. And, I feel, this goes beyond the advice of simply using your skills to keep them sharp, but also understanding your skills and talent and what you’re capable of as an artist.

Honestly, it’s impressive. I couldn’t do it. When I was in college, I couldn’t because I was already writing a lot. Now, I don’t do it because I’m lazy, have fun things I want to do, and I work full time. But I will say that if you have the time to commit to it and you are successful at keeping up with the word count, then more power to you. I think that’s wonderful and I hope that you are able to keep it up.

If anyone reading this is interested, there’s an official NANOWRIMO site you can go to. They even provide some incentives to help keep people going. I encourage anyone who wants to try it for themselves to do it.

 

NO SHAVE NOVEMBER

Can anyone remember what this one was about? Oh, that’s right, not shaving. I mean, it’s right there in the title. Hard to forget…

I don’t know when this originated, but I do know it was back in high school, many moons ago, I first heard about it. The actual meaning of this is to promote cancer awareness. That may sound strange, but there is some logic behind it. The idea is that you embrace your hair and grow it out because so many cancer patients going through chemo end up losing theirs. In some ways, it’s to keep you grateful for what you have, which is, hopefully, hair and being cancer free. I am in the process of balding, albeit many would argue that I’m already there, and will probably have to shave my head in the near future. I did grow a beard about 2 years ago and never looked back though.

I do want to point out how male/testosterone/facial hair-centric this particular one is, when it doesn’t have to be. If you shave anywhere, during this time, you should just stop. It’s as easy as that to participate. Let the hair grow!

Ok, I’m done.

If you’re able to grow out facial hair or head hair or any kind of hair, I guess, for this one, it’s an excellent time to practice styling. I definitely see this as a creative endeavor. It’s equally a way to test any relevant skills you may have, or a way to find some hidden talent. It’s hair. At the end of the month, if you’ve managed to stick to it that long, then you can get rid of it. For those of you who might have a lot, I would encourage donating to those without. In case you were wondering, I don’t mean me.

There are other variations like Mustache November, but I think it’s important to stick to the ones I can remember immediately and take the least amount of effort. No Shave November also has it’s own site. See, I linked it in the previous sentence so you can go there if you want, but you don’t have to. I mostly wanted to point that out to show I’m not totally neglectful.

 

 

These are just a few things: I don’t want anyone coming to me and telling me there’s nothing to do in November. I also don’t want to hear anyone claim that they can’t find a way for events to have an effect on their creativity. I mean, I just spun a thing where you don’t shave. If you’re having trouble getting your creative juices flowing, then do something that challenges you and/or takes your mind off it. You know, I advise living a bit.

Have a great November!

 

Yours,

Nathan

The People You Know Pt. 2

There are many ways to ask people permission. That is, if you’re going to. As previously stated in another post from June of 2016, The People You Know, which you should read if you haven’t already, some don’t. Again, personal preference is abundant here. What follows are just a few that I’ve used, heard others use, and/or thought of as a possibility.

 

  1. The Sit Down
  • With this one, it’s not necessary to show the person the work, and this can be done prior to conceptualizing whatever you’re about to create. This involves close, personal contact. You’ll have to be in the same room as the person you’re writing or using as your muse. I recommend doing this as a one-on-one type meeting. Invite them in and/or over to two chairs preferably across from each other with a table between the two of you, but you can also sit side-by-side. It all depends on whether or not you want to turn your body or have some space just in case things go awry. Then ask them if it’s ok to write about them. I recommend direct eye contact in this scenario, as you sit across from them, because shifty eyes can give them the feeling that something is amiss, which it might be depending on what you’re going to do with them in your piece. Keep in mind, a lack of steady eyes and confidence will be your undoing.
  1. The Stand Up
  • This is exactly the same as the Sit Down except that you, well, stand up. The only benefit that I can think of is that it’s noticeably more awkward and the person you’re talking to might come to an answer or a yes faster just so they can get away from the situation. Also probably works more effectively on and for impatient people.
  1. The Phone Call
  • Seriously, if you don’t get what to do here, then I don’t know what to tell you. Call the person up and ask them if it’s cool. Don’t actually say, “Is it cool,” though. Explain what you’re doing and what you need from them, which is permission.
  • Pros: Zero body language to be read and mistranslated. You can do this anywhere you can use a phone.
  • Cons: Can be interpreted as impersonal. It might be impersonal, but probably not as bad as the next.
  1. The Text
  • Again, similar to The Phone Call, except in this version, you send a text message as the request as opposed to verbal dialogue. Similar pros and cons too.
  1. The Email
  • You can make this seem professional with a To Whom It May Concern, or give it a more personal Dear; or just put the person’s name for a more nonchalant feel. Similar to the text, but usually more structured, The Email is a quick and easy way to ask. Unfortunately, you’ll need internet access, but this isn’t the 1990s so you should be fine.
  1. The Pass Off or Handover
  • It sounds weird, but it’s simple. You create the piece, right? Once you’re done, you approach the person the piece is about, you pass off a copy to them, and then you say, “Is this all right?” If they say, “Yes,” good for you, and if they say, “No,” then you don’t have permission. If you fail on obtaining permission in this manner you can go with the other options, redo whatever you made and try this again later, or you can choose to go through with it anyway and risk the relationship. You know, whichever is easier for you, I guess.
  1. The Tell
  • Not like in poker, The Tell isn’t really about getting permission. It’s more about letting them know what you’re up to. It’s for the person who doesn’t care all that much, but doesn’t want to seem like a complete asshole. It’s rather straightforward, anyway you want to do it, let the subject know what you’re doing. It doesn’t matter if they say yes or no or act confused, them knowing counts as permission.
  1. The Waiver
  • What do you want me to say? Write up a waiver and get them to read it and then sign and date it. I’ve never heard of anyone who isn’t a lawyer doing this, but you’re welcome to give it a try. It will certainly, possibly remove virtually all risk from any potential, future legal trouble this may present.
  1. The Contract
  • This is similar to The Waiver, except with The Contract the two of you discuss what can and cannot be used as material. You come to some sort of mutual agreement, and then you can sign a sheet with each other’s stipulations or just verbally agree on the matter. This may be the best for the person who is being used for your art, but may be the most harmful for it too.
  1. The Surrogate
  • All you have to do for this one is get someone else to do it for you, hence the name of this strategy. I recommend getting someone to do this that the person you’re creating about likes and/or trusts, preferably more than you. This is especially useful for the person that you don’t know that well or who doesn’t like you. The problem with this is that you risk completely ruining your relationship with the person you’re creating about and possibly the relationship that person has with your surrogate.

 

 

All of these are real scenarios albeit more on the tongue-in-cheek side. In all seriousness, it can be a nice step in a relationship to talk to other people about the possibility of using them in your writing or any creative endeavor. People tend to appreciate it if you do, but, as I’ve said repeatedly, you don’t have to. How you handle or don’t handle the situation is entirely up to you. I hope that your creating goes well, and that you don’t lose anyone in the process. Although, that’s the way it goes sometime. I’ll attempt to touch upon that later in another piece.

 

Peace,

Nathan

Writing What You Know

A.K.A. Sticking to Your Guns

How do you do this? How do you write what you want to write?

I often feel myself slumping down into my seat when I think about the material I’m producing and seeing how the world is. Currently, I’m attempting to write about sports. Recent world events make me feel like what I’ve chosen to write about is not important. I want to focus on topics like Toxic Masculinity and masculinity in general, because it’s what I’m familiar with and what effects me, but I feel like I should write an essay about world and/or political affairs. Or maybe something about the US’ current socioeconomic climate and its constant state of harming those whom would be deemed as “lesser.”

The thing is, I CAN still write about them. BUT, I’m not the best person to do so. Yes, the world seems to be in turmoil, but I’m not the most educated on climate science. I don’t have much experience in poor and/or rural communities of the US. I’m a barely lower-middle class, straight, white male who was forced to fit in despite mental illnesses and other natural weirdnesses based on cultural norms etc. It’s not these things I feel guilty about not writing, but it’s what I know.

I was not good at sports, and I hope you weren’t either. Even if you are, you’re still welcome! I’m only saying that because THAT’S what I’m writing about, or trying to anyway. Why that and not something else? Well, I’ll answer that question with another question: Why not?

There are lots of creators out there, a plethora of writers, each with their own style and subjects, most, if not all, of it dependent on their life experiences. I’m not saying you should rely on other writers or creators to get points across, your points across that is, but to assume that they will, at the very least, do better than someone who doesn’t have the same knowledge and/or experience as you. Now, you shouldn’t feel that something like creating a statue as a political statement and placing it in a community where it will get the most impact is something you should assume someone else will do and do it better, but you should be aware if this is what you’re best at and if you’re comfortable doing it.

I will say that stretching beyond your comfort zone is a good part of growing creatively. However, there are limits. You should certainly feel the need to expand your knowledge and skill set, but don’t do what you can’t do.

It’s difficult to accept, at times, especially when you feel inadequate in your work, but it is something everyone will need to get over at some point. It’s good to feel confident in what you’re working on/writing. It’s important to feel like you’re the only one who can write about what you’re writing about in the way that you’re writing about it. This is what’s often called “originality.”

Don’t write what you don’t know.

Sounds simple, but a lot of people try tackling things that they’re solely passionate about without the education necessary. If you really want to write about something, take the time to study and make sure that you’re knowledgeable about the subject. Don’t get me wrong, you need passion, that drive, but passion isn’t everything. I mean, it’s something, but it’s not enough.

On top of that, if someone tells you to stop writing about something, mostly something that they don’t find interesting as opposed to something they find could be harmful, you shouldn’t listen to that person. Now, if what you’re working on is poor in quality or moral fiber, then I would have to side with that person. BUT, if your work is just something they don’t care much about, then stick to your guns, and keep going. They’re not your target audience and you can find that later.

Not giving up, though, is something you need to find. If you can persevere, even things seem most difficult, most dire, then you’ve made it further than most. I will always encourage people to write and/or create. I hope the best for everyone.

 

Yours,

Nathan

Creative Blockage

Writer’s Block. It’s a thing. Well, I think it is. Some will argue otherwise, to just push through the mental bullshit, also known as nonsense. But it doesn’t matter who you are, not all days will be good ones when it comes to creating, and, certainly, not all of them will be productive ones either, not to say whether or not they are mutually exclusive.

 

How? How does this happen?

Stress. That’s usually what’s doing it. It’s as simple as stress. It’s as complicated as stress. You can go to fancy resources to figure out your problems, but stress is a common killer of creative flows. It has been for as long as art has been around. Yeah, that’s a long time.

Technically, it’s not the main culprit. It’s what is caused by whatever is happening to you, but the stress that occurs is what does you in. If your time is being used up by an unfortunate event and you can’t create, that’s one thing, but most things are stress related.

 

What do you do?

Good question. Did you ask it? Doesn’t matter because I did. Yes, that’s right, I’m important. At least I am here. That’s what matters. See what I did there?

I’d recommend de-stressing. Cue eye roll and/or the “no duh.” That’s de-stressing, not to be confused with distressing. This made up compound word actually means to relieve the stress that you’ve accrued and/or are carrying. Stress is not only bad for your creating, it’s bad for your health as well. It even shortens your life, so I’ve been told. Don’t check that. I’m pretty sure that’s accurate. It’s not an alternative fact, probably.

I’ll make past professors cringe when I tell you to do the opposite of what they told me, being older and wiser and whatnot, step away from what you’re doing. Don’t create. If you have something causing you stress, resolve it. Then get yourself to feeling better. After that your creativity will happen more freely and naturally.

Alternatively, another way would be to listen to my older and wiser past professors and push through. It is mental, after all, and forcing yourself to continue isn’t the worst advice. Your best bet here, though, is to try to focus on what you’re creating rather than the stress causing thing that basically produced the blockage in the first place. Take baby steps here. Try too hard and you could end up doing the not creating that you weren’t doing before. If you’re writing, punctuate, write a sentence or two, but not too quickly. After years of trying this, I don’t recommend it. It does sometimes work, forcing your way through, but it’s really for people who just can’t think of anything.

Another, almost compromising thing that partly contradicts the first piece of advice, would be to stop what you’re creating and create another thing. In other words, work on something else. Come back to what you were working on before later. I would recommend, if you choose this “option” to go light on whatever other thing you’ll be creating. You don’t want or need additional stress after all.

But I thought you said it was stress?

I did.

Occasionally you will be met with a blank spot in your mind where an idea should be. This is fine. It’s bad for deadlines, but ok for you. Try not to panic, that’s key. The one thing you should do is alleviate that stress. Work it out as well as you can and as quickly as you can without building onto it. This may mean that you have to stop. Understand the necessity of this.

Really, everyone is different. We handle this stuff differently. You may need to take less time than you’d expect to get the ball rolling, so to speak. You might also need more. Pushing through the mental block may be the way to go for you as well.

For many of us the block is there and it’s real. Hopefully, some of the things I mentioned help. If they don’t, if you find another way, I encourage everyone to share. As always, I hope the best for you.

 

Yours,

 

Nathan

A Time to Create

When I am writing this, it is 3AM.

I cannot sleep.

Despite my prescribed sleeping medication, not actually prescribed to help remedy a sleep issue, funny enough, I am awake. What makes this great is that the internet is currently down as well. It’s really the perfect combination.

Although, in a way, I’m grateful. I wouldn’t be writing right now if the scenario were different. I’d be watching a video on YouTube or Netflix. We all know that most of writing on a computer is comprised of a page here followed by 40 minutes of Internet access, rinse and repeat. Maybe looking up a recipe or googling symptoms to a disease that I swear I’ve just contracted within the time I was asleep. Because it’s probably not really insomnia if I was asleep moments ago, right?

The thing is I’m writing. I’m creating. Everyone has different cycles when it comes to their ability to create. You may have noticed that you perform better at certain points in the day. A lot of writers, for instance, are cursed with the inane ability to write proficiently around 3AM and not really any other time. And this can be a tricky thing to figure out unless you’re in my scenario or a similar one, because distractions lay everywhere in the Modern or Postmodern world, depending on who you ask.

I normally create during the day. I like the sun being out and birds flying overhead. I’ll even go to the park when I’m not at work, watch the birds hop along the sidewalk, heads tilted with goofy expressions. I’ll take out a notebook from my back pocket and a pen from my front one and write whatever comes to mind or what I need to. I’ll feel a breeze roll over me.

Do you know when and where the best time and place to create is for you? It can be a pivotal moment. If you figure it out, you can set a schedule to work specifically during that time and/or place. It can be unfortunate if you find it’s during late hours, but that can also give you a reason to work late shifts or stay up on weekends, if you weren’t already.

Most of us discover this by accident. Case in point. I had an inkling I might be good for writing in the early hours, but I wouldn’t have known without my brain keeping me up like it is now. Of course, I’m well content with my day writing. I’m less tired that way. I don’t want nor intend for this to become habitual. I say that if it works for your, fits into your routine, then go for it. Otherwise, do test other times of day and/or night. Despite what I just said about it usually being found by accident, you can still intentionally seek it out, I promise. It’s just a lot of guess and check type stuff. But you’ll never know unless you try. I highly encourage, if you want to create, you try.

I also hope that you never find yourself in this situation, but it happens.

 

All the best and lots of love,

Nathan

Taking Breaks

Eventually we all reach this point. You’ve been working every day for months, if not years. Dark marks lay below your eyes, and that tired feeling claws behind them. You might find yourself lacking that drive and ambition which got you started and where you are now.

Q: So, what do you do?

A: Nothing.

That’s what I do anyway. Well, sort of…

I know. I have probably said something about this before a couple of times. In fact, I know that I have. That’s why I said that I know right off the bat.

Before anyone jumps to any conclusions, no, I’m not stopping the blog. I’m not going to stop writing either. Well, not altogether. That is, I’m taking about a week to have fun and/or sleep. The two actions are synonymous. And I’ll still write. Habits, even good ones, are hard to break.

This month, as in June, I’ll be returning to a place I was happy to call home once, Block Island, Rhode Island. If you’ve never heard of it that’s pretty common. I’m pleasantly surprised when someone says they have. It’s an island about 12 miles off the coast of Rhode Island. They have less than a thousand year round residents who live at or below the impoverished line, statistically speaking.

The population has a tendency to increase about 1000% during tourism season. Yes, that’s hyperbolic, but tourism brings in a lot of people, some of whom have money to spend. Like a lot of money. As in, something I doubt I’ll ever experience. The people who don’t have a lot of money like that can either come for a day trip, leaving on the last ferry of  the day, or visit someone who lives there, which is what I do. Basically, I’m a moocher who likes to visit my family on a wonderful place where I can recoup because I probably couldn’t afford to be there any other way. Woo! Go me!

Currently, a lot is happening and also not happening there. July is a little wilder for them. The 4th of July floods the beaches with people. In the past, most of them would stand shoulder-to-shoulder, beneath the sun, drunk. Some of them would have to be air lifted, if emergency crews could get to them. Although that has changed over the years. I picked a good time to come down when I can choose to do something or choose to go into the wilderness and search for peace.

There are lots of underdeveloped, protected lands to traverse and beaches to enjoy. I probably won’t sun too long since I could double as a piece of copy paper. Anyway, it’s a good time. And, frankly, I’m exhausted. Also, repetition can be a double edged sword… I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining, especially since I’m only leaving to return stronger into the fray.

I love writing. But it’s not all I do. It’s important, though, regardless of what you’re doing, creative or otherwise, to take a break. It’s healthy. We’re probably only human. So, don’t let anyone tell you differently. Seriously, you’re not a machine, and if you don’t take a break every now and then, you risk exhausting yourself, which could have bad consequences for your physical and/or mental health.

Although, I would never advise an indefinite break. It’s a mistake. Unless you want to do something else and work hard on doing that for the rest of your life, that is. A skill unused is a skill lost. You’ll metaphorically oxidize and disintegrate. What I mean is, if you don’t keep practicing, then you’ll only get worse. That hard work to better yourself will be for naught. Eventually you won’t be able to do the thing you were doing at all.

Still, take your time. Return when you’re ready. Regain your energy, your creative juices which, admittedly, sounds dirty haha, or whatever. Be aware of yourself and how much you can do before taking any sort of time off.  Know how burned out you are before deciding this is the best way to go. If you feel you want to abandon your craft, use a couple days, if possible, to not do participate in creating in that way. Instead, do something else or do nothing at all. Return to it when you’re feeling better, not stressing about it, and see how you feel. This is all person-by-person. I take a week off here and there after a couple months, and then I’m good to go for a couple more months. You may be different. In fact, you most likely are, and that’s a wonderful thing.

In the end, work hard, live a lot, and take care of yourself.

Sincerely yours,

 

Nathan

 

 

P.S. IMPORTANT! I need your help! If you would like me to discuss anything, please let me know in the comments! I’ll be reading them.

Presentations

Everyone does them. Writers do them. Painters do them. Potters do them. Musicians do them. Thespians do them. Scientists tend to do them too. Odds are if you’re involved in the arts and/or do something that you feel others should be aware of, then you’re probably going to present in some way at some point.

This will most likely come delayed, I expect, as I am currently preparing for at least one reading this month, May 9th to be exact. If not, then, please, disregard.

You would think years of plays, more than a handful of public speaking events, as well as several readings under my belt that I’d have no problem getting up in front of peers, friends, family, and complete strangers not in those categories. You might think it would be easy to read lines from a piece of paper that I’ve prepared in advance, and probably worked on for weeks, if not months. You’d be wrong. But it’s ok. To not be good at public speaking events that is. Less so about being wrong. Really, you don’t have to get used to it. It helps if you do, but it’s not mandatory. Granted with my anxiety disorder and my introverted tendencies, you might also think I would never give a reading. Nope. Despite all of that, I love them.

A few things I do to prepare:

  1. Pick what I’ll be reading. This includes subject matter and length.
  2. Practice the pieces. This will not only help determine time but when and where to breathe.
  3. Decide order. It’s important, for me anyway, to have a flow from one piece to the next. If the tone of the pieces increases or one of them has a great ending, then that’s usually how I’ll go.
  4. Practice reading them some more until you accidentally learn them or come close. This is never on purpose, but it actually helps with eye contact, which is very important. The trick, for me, is to pick a person to look up at while you’re reading and then focus just slightly above their heads.
  5. Take a break before practicing some more. Don’t over think the pieces. Don’t freak out beforehand.

 

I like podiums. Some people say, “Um,” or “Uh,” while they read. Other people talk too fast. Some people have difficulty controlling the volume of their voice. Me? My knees shake. Like a lot. It looks bad, which is why I like standing behind something that doesn’t reveal my knees. That sounds weird, because it is, but it’s also the reason I enjoy a good podium. That also sounded strange. You’ll find out your issues when they arise. That’s normal to feel nervous and have these, um, ticks, if you will.

You’ll find a lot of idiosyncrasies showing up because of the pressure. For instance, I found that I do voices when I read dialogue. Makes sense. I write nonfiction. My characters are real. They don’t speak the same, hence voices. Never did them on purpose, but now I try my best with them. This is not something you have to do though. And people in other mediums might never have anything this odd come out of their works, which is fine too.

Keep in mind, it is a performance. That said, you’ll allowed to interpret that however you see fit. All I can really say about this is that, at the very end, I hope you have fun with it. It can be stressful, and the reasons for doing it can very, but it’s important to find joy in what you’re doing. This is no exception.

 

Much love,

Nathan

Stella: A Meditation

I’m going to be honest with you right away: I seriously want to make a pun and/or reference to A Streetcar Named Desire or How Stella Got Her Groove Back, but I’ll refrain. I promise.

Welcome to my mind. It’s not the most coherent piece I’ve written, but coming as a form of meditation, I’m surprised it took shape the way it did.

 

  1. Monkey Mind

 

It’s been over a year since I started this blog. A lot has happened. A lot is happening. My first blog was on the snow storm that hit Baltimore. Jonas kept me from going to work, and left many, including myself, without power. Recently, if you’re reading this and you’re not in the US, the blizzard (snowstorm) known as Stella came through the East Coast. They really played her up. I mean, meteorologists were terrified, claiming that places could see up to 20 inches, which some did come close to. Baltimore was supposed to get hit hard as well. People were losing their minds about the Biblical proportions coming our way. Bread, milk, toilet paper, and water were disappearing from store shelves. Businesses closed in advance, but the statements proved hyperbolic, to say the least. Then little happened. It was such a major difference to the one that I started all this with. It reminded me of it though. So, I thought I would reflect some.

I try hard to challenge myself, write every single day, but still keep it all together. I am not always successful. Yet, I’ve learned to forgive myself, move on, and try again the next day. You might be surprised, but I really like writing. I love the arts, which are in jeopardy as we speak, er— read/write. Well, they are in the U.S. at the moment anyway… So, Stella. Right. I was talking about that, and how I challenge myself. That’s another reason I write these blogs, not just because I wanted something to keep this site active. Although, that was one of my original points for this blog.

When I started this, I was writing my book. I was in the MFA program at the University of Baltimore, working full-time, and losing my mind. I’d say the only thing that’s changed is that I graduated so I’m no longer in the program. I still see and spend time with many people from there though. Of course, I’ve also lost touch with some, but such is life. Makes it easier to write about them though, if I’m being completely honest. Albeit, I’m still working a job and losing my mind. I still have copies left from the original printing, with all the overlooked mistakes that have been pointed out to me by obnoxious readers. Relax, my first self-publishing gig isn’t going to be perfect. Mistakes are inevitable. Not that there were a lot of mistakes… Anyway, it’s crazy to think how far I’ve come and how far I want to go.

You see, my current problem is being dissatisfied. I’ve accomplished a lot. A book was on my bucket list. Now, I’m trying to write another (this one is nonfiction) as well as promote the one I have and attempt a chapbook (poetry). It’s still not enough. I’m tired, but I’m restless. That’s why I’m keeping this blog going. That’s why I’m still writing.

Besides that, I have a fear of contentedness, because if you’re not trying to improve yourself, your work, then you’re not better and you’re probably not staying the same either. You’re in decline. Most people who enter states of contentedness and inactivity begin this process of atrophy without realizing it, because you can never really stay the same, even if you want to.

The metaphor I’ll use which may or may not be considered an apt metaphor: It’s like being on fire but never burning up.

Yeah, I’m kind of like that one bush that spoke to Moses only less well known. Like a lot less well known. Like a minuscule portion of the world’s population are aware of me and I don’t exist to the rest.

Digressing again.

You know what I didn’t do when my phone went off at 5AM on a Tuesday to let me know that work was called off? I didn’t write. I wrote some eventually, but that’s not the point. I went back to sleep and woke up several hours later. Greeted by stifled sunlight, I peeked out my bedroom window at what remained of just a light covering of a few inches. It was sleeting at that point. The chatter of fragmented ice pattered on closed windows that lead me to breakfast and coffee. Still, I didn’t write. I watched some videos online. I listened to music. I got ready for a day inside, but I didn’t write. I read a book too.

I waited all day to write, a day I had completely free to do whatever I wanted.

Looking back, I’m disappointed in myself. I don’t regret spending the day enjoying myself.  It was necessary. And I probably wouldn’t do it differently if I had the chance to redo the day. Says a lot. Says nothing too.

I’m at a point where I don’t know if this is problematic or not. I feel like it is. And there’s the issue.

I know you can’t work all the time. I mean, you absolutely can, but burning out isn’t helpful for creativity. At least, it isn’t for me.  In this case, back to the metaphor, if you’re a burning bush, it’s important to know that sometimes it rains. Can’t be on fire all the time. Anyway, when I can’t think, I can’t create. If I’m exhausted, rather than tired, it’s a lot like trying to pull the world out of nothing. It just can’t be done. Not by me. There’s a reason the phrase, “burning the candle at both ends,” is still notoriously negative. It means you’re hardworking but also too hard working. Also, more fire metaphors…

Side Note: How would you keep a candle like that? You couldn’t place it in a candle holder, that’s for sure. Do you have to hold it? That sounds painful. But it bring nuanced meaning to the phrase. Wouldn’t two candles not only be hold-able, but burn twice as long? You see each side of a candle burning at both ends would only have half a candle of light a piece, if that. Totally inefficient.

I did it again, didn’t I? Been tangential a lot lately, more so than usual. It has to do with working on too many things, a lot I don’t even want to be a part of, but work that pays is work that pays. I hope someone reads that and nods knowingly to themselves. If you did, we should be friends. If we’re not already friends, I’m sorry. I have a lot going on. I said that already…

In Buddhism, the term for a mind like mine is Monkey Mind. It’s an uncontrollable, capricious mind. When I’m not doing anything, it wanders.  The overactive mind is great for creativity, as long as you can reign it in and manage to be productive. With all my passion that’s a difficult task to perform. Stella made that painfully obvious. Of course, I only realized that after the fact. That’s normal though. It’s similar to having a great comeback to some insult hurled at you a week ago.

It’s been cold on and off, blue skies, chilled winds. Blooming pear trees blossomed white, now turn decaying brown. I try to notice nature as best I can. It helps me to clear my mind, calm it. Helps the writing. Long walks. Presumably, we won’t have most of current nature for much longer, which is another reason to cherish it. One day we might only know constant, ravaging snowstorms, or forget what snow looks like. Then I’ll be trapped inside and unable to write. Maybe a year from now I’ll be experiencing something like that. Hopefully not.

 

  1. Where to?

I’d like to think that I’d keep this blog going even if I were to venture somewhere, anywhere. I’d keep it going, if not for my readers or potential readers, then for me. And if someone should take something from it, all the more reason to continue.

I am going somewhere. At least, I think I am. I have a few pieces being published. I also should be having a reading coming up in May. I’ll post about that more when everything is made more certain. A couple chapters have been written for my next manuscript. I’ve even been reading and finishing books for research purposes. This is still not enough, and I have to discover what is for me. Most people have to. Most people reach their twenties and figure out what they want to do, whether or not they can do it, know more of who they are, and somehow calm down a bit. No thank you. I’m 28 now. I feel like I should know more, but I’m ok with that not being the case. I’m aware that most people are in a similar, if not the same, situation. It’s oddly reassuring.

By the time you’re reading this, it will be April. There’s more sunlight, rain, and heat than there have been for a while. More birds singing. More time that can be spent outside. Less time to write. More time to be frustrated. Probably more readings too. I won’t be able to do everything I want to.

I hope that you can do what you want to do, within reason. Dreams are less achievable for many than they have ever been. They can still be reached, but the times have not changed for the better. Despite this, it’s important to not give up, especially if you’re an artist. It has never been easy. It probably never will be. You may not end up the kind of successful that you want to be or feel you need to be. Do not let that take away from what you are doing. Do not allow that to diminish your passions. Although I know it happens to many of us.

I’m thinking of leaving Baltimore. I think that every year. And every year I realize the security in my job that helps me pay the rent and allows me to have health insurance. Every year I have some health concern or private matter that needs to be dealt with first. Every year there is something. My own fears are constant. How do you establish yourself somewhere new, especially as an adult? It’s a big decision.

There’s also the fact that I kind of like it here, despite some things that have happened and a lack of employment possibilities in my field. In the arts, there’s a lot happening in Baltimore. Plus friends. Some of whom have already moved on to other, often bigger things or are on the cusp of doing so. If they can do it, why can’t I? In other words, there’s nothing stopping me except the occasional snow storm.

 

 

 

To Whom It May Concern/Reader:

 

I would like to thank you for reading this blog. Whether you have been reading from the beginning or just started with this one, I appreciate you and your literacy. Welcome all! For those reading into what I said in this piece, do not worry about future content as I will continue to produce it for the foreseeable future. I mean, I believe I said that more than once anyway, but you can never be too sure. I do ask that you please continue to support me in whatever way you can. I will do my best to share what I know and what I learn with you. I will also keep everyone who is interested up to date on all my writing and art related activities. Again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

 

Yours,

 

Nathan

Criticism 101

Previously titled: Criticism 101 Or That Time I Used A Strange Baby Metaphor. Read on to figure that one out.

Let’s start with a little story: I was in college when I started receiving Criticism.

That’s inaccurate, I have been receiving some form of criticism my entire life. What I mean is that I began receiving criticism on a level I never had before, and in a form I wasn’t really used to. Typically, it would be in the form of someone putting me down by pointing out something about me, usually a flaw. In college, it was mostly focused on the pieces I wrote and helping me to better my writing. Most of it came during workshops in writing courses.

There are two types of criticism that you should be aware of, if you aren’t already: Constructive and (Critical or De-constructive) Criticism.

It’s always baffled me how criticism, on its own, has such a negative connotation, but that’s because, without purpose to help, it is a tool that can only serve to destroy or deconstruct someone or thing.

Constructive Criticism is fairly easy to differentiate from regular Criticism, and not just that it tends not to make you feel like shit. The first thing that good constructive criticism does is similar to criticism, it points out the issue. That is, it makes the person aware that there’s an issue. What sets it apart is that, after the issue is identified, it is then used to tell you how to resolve it. In the end, this should serve as a mutually beneficial exchange, you get to improve at whatever you’re doing and the person helping you gets an improved thing. It can also strengthen relationships.

The worst types of criticism can come in the form of bullying. Whereas constructive criticism should come from a place that is not only trying to help someone else but to better that person or thing that they are doing.

To break regular criticism down, it starts the same as its constructive counterpart in that it begins by pointing out the problem or issue. Then, it just makes things worse. While this is happening, it also makes you feel bad about whatever the problem is by bringing you down and only identifying the problem as a negative. By belittling you, criticism empowers the person antagonizing. So, basically, regular criticism often serves to make you feel like shit, while the other person feels better about themselves, and you shouldn’t ever accept it.

Yet how you should take it will always be the question.

Since it serves as a tool to assist you, make you better, Constructive Criticism should be taken with the understanding that it’s not meant to harm. Now, it doesn’t mean it’s without difficulty. If someone tells you that what you’ve been working on for some time needs to be changed, even if they cite valid reasons, it will still hurt. It’s ok to feel that way. After all, what you create can be like your child.

On that note, let’s talk babies.

It would be like if I had a baby and someone told me it would look better with dark hair than with light colored hair, and I dyed its hair a dark brown and thought to myself, “Oh, you know what? Dark colored hair really does compliment my baby’s cheek structure.” It’s like I know my baby is perfect just the way it is, but this criticism improved on what was already there. That person was helpful with the strange baby tip, although I might want to question why I associate with someone fixated on baby bone structures and hair colors… I’m sorry, I don’t know why I started this convoluted metaphor. Mom, Dad, if you’re reading this, I don’t have a baby. I digress.

Criticism, though, is someone telling you that your baby is shit and you should feel bad for having a shit baby. This is not ok. First, I would suggest explaining to them that this hurts you and suggest different ways they can change their behavior, like telling you why they don’t like the baby and what you might be able to do to change the baby. If you can’t get them to do that, I would suggest getting that person out of your life for both you and your baby’s best interests…

That got weird, right?

The reality is, this becomes more and more obvious the more you put yourself in situations where you will be receiving criticism. For writers, that means workshops or passing your pieces on to friends or anyone, really, for critiquing improvements. And the best way to get over it that I can tell you is that the more you do it, the less painful it becomes. I won’t say it ever stops feeling not-so-good completely, but, like most things, it does get easier. It’s good to be able to differentiate. It’s good to know what’s bad. It’s also good to know that feeling poorly, about either one, is totally fine. Oh, and abnormal metaphors should maybe be kept to a minimum. That’s why I only technically used one here.

Haha I’m awful. No, really. I am truly awful. And that’s self-deprecation, another form of criticism that I’ll talk about on a future day. Wink wink.

 

If you have questions, if you’re confused, or maybe if you think there’s something I should do differently here, let me know. But be gentle.

I hope you all have a wonderful month!

 

Regards,

Nathan