birthday

I Stopped Writing [Clickbait]: But No, I Really Did Stop.

In November, which was about two months ago , I stopped writing. *GASP*

In fairness, I really stalled out in October. That is, I stopped my major book writing project. It just turned difficult with work stuff, health stuff, and various other stressful and less stressful things. November, ironically, is when I stopped trying to write the book stuff. I still wrote though. I’m intentionally being misleading. I try to write, if not every day, then most days out of the week. I’m writing this in November, for instance.

But I did take on side projects.

Yeah, and then I started making Christmas cards for family members. It started with the immediate family, and then I got carried away with it, kind of. I used InDesign, Illustrator, and Photoshop, all skills obtained via graduate school. I researched card sizes. I searched for decent card stocks available at affordable prices. I had to figure out how I was going to print and cut them. I did everything, and I had fun doing it. It was great to do on multiple levels. I was not only able to use my skills to help me get something out in the world for people that I cared about, but I also was able to refresh myself on what I really enjoy doing outside of, well, writing. Plus, it was great to have a project that wasn’t strictly word and story based, not that there’s anything wrong with that per say.

I’ve said it before in previous blogs: When you come to a wall or are burned out, besides pushing through, take a break and do something else that utilizes the creativity in you.

You’ll either find your old drive rejuvenated or you’ll discover a new flame.

I made over a dozen individual, custom sized Christmas/Holiday cards, and I had a blast doing it! I got to be as specific and inventive as I wanted. No restrictions placed on myself. It was what I needed.

 

New Year blah blah blah…

You may be wondering to yourself, “Why the new year repetition?” If you’re not, you should be. It’s quite simple, really. This state of creativity or lack thereof is common. Most likely everyone or almost everyone reading this and otherwise who fancies themselves creative in any way and does a creative thing almost exclusively will go through this. And it will happen more than once. It’s no happenstance, freak occurrence. It’s an ailment of the routine and overdoing and boredom.

But, rest assured, it is not a permanent state, usually. What I prescribe might not necessarily be right for you, but you will be able to find your own remedy. I am merely here to give fair warning, and help when and where I can. That’s the idea anyway.

Seriously though… What have I been writing?

Poems mostly. For a while there, I was trying to create a chapbook, but I mostly gave that up. Lately, poetry has come easiest to me. When I want to write but I’m finding it difficult, I’ll go down to the park, watch what’s going on, smell the air, listen, and write a poem detailing everything that I’m experiencing. It’s something I was instructed to do way back when in under grad that I still do, because it works. Granted, the original assignment was just to be a voyeur and write about people, but I found nuances in it which help me when I’m struggling that I enjoy implementing.

I do intend to get back to book writing eventually. Part of the problem is life. It’s hectic and stressful, and it makes it difficult to put in the time and effort I would need to write something this big. That said, I did end up writing about six out of nine essays that I intended to have created. So, I’m not far off from the plan. I’m just on hiatus.

Of course, I couldn’t go without using my creative muscles. Hence the cards.

I’ve seen a lot of people start and eventually give up on projects they’ve set for themselves. I’ve seen a lot of people never return to finish those projects. I’m fortunate in that I’m stubborn about finishing things that I start. I’m aware not everyone is like that. Some of you will need restrictions and/or deadlines from outside sources, and that’s perfectly fine. It’s certainly a good motivator, at the very least. Also, if it’s just something for you, it can be less rewarding than, let’s say, if you’re getting paid to do something. That’s cool too. Money can help immensely.

That said, if you have trouble finishing things that you start for yourself, bring in another person. It can be incredibly helpful to have someone else to rely on to push you into accomplishing goals you set for yourself. That is, I recommend having someone that will hold you accountable and apply pressure when needed. You can’t do everything on your own.

Well, unless you’re crazy like me…

 

The Key to Success

Accomplishing goals, finishing self-imposed projects, getting published, giving readings, sometimes getting paid for these things, and not having everything spin out of control. These are all elements of what I would consider success.

I think it’s important to understand that success is a subjective term. It can be measured by societal expectations but, ultimately, it’s really a case-by-case thing that is dependent on an individual’s expectations and understandings.

Personally, being able to see through any creative endeavors, whether I’ve made them for myself or been given them by another person, is indicative of me being successful.

So, I can absolutely give up writing, sort of, even for a couple months, and still be successful.

It comes down to perspective.

If you think that fame and fortune are what constitutes as success, which is understandable if you have always lived in a capitalistic society that tells you that, then that’s your bar. I will give fair warning in this regard that viewing that as success may be devastating, especially in the arts where that is rarely accomplished. Of course, if that’s what you want, then that’s what you want.

 

I encourage people to pursue what makes them happy, within reason, morality, and civility. We’re all going to be here for only so long. And have a great 2018!

 

Yours,

Nathan

December Baby. December, Baby.

December is a holiday month: Kwanza, Hanukkah, Fiesta of our Lady of Guadalupe, Omisoka/New Years Eve, Yule, Boxing Day, Christmas and etc. To name a few, as it were. It’s the time of the Winter Solstice. It also happens to be my birth month. Yay!

Although this year is feeling more like MEH.

I’ll be 29 this month. THIS MONTH. That’s a year away from 30!

And I most certainly do not have my shit figured out, pardon my French.

Whether it’s from people I know, people I idolize on the internet, or someone I happened to overhear on the street at 2AM, I hear the same age old wisdom: Your twenties are for experimentation and your thirties (and onward) are implementation. In other words, you work on figuring everything out in your twenties by making a series of mistakes, and then you act like you know what you’re doing because you base it off of what you learned from said mistakes or something.

This is terrifying to me.

Everyone makes it sound like I should have everything under control and understood by the time I’m done with this decade in my life. You might feel the same way. I don’t think it has much validity though. I’m not so sure if it’s because I don’t or because I know that’s bullshit. Yeah, I wanted my life to be fairly different from what it is now, so do a lot of people, but regardless of that, I know nobody is going to have everything figured out. Some, or most, people never will, in fact, and that’s fine. Or I think that’s fine.

What I’ve learned growing up is that there’s no significant shift between child and adult, not even in teenage years, but a gradual change where you have more responsibilities, stresses, freedoms, and challenges. People don’t suddenly turn into an adult just like people don’t magically have their shit under control because they’ve reached a certain age. You also don’t get rid of your past or who you were, you change from it and from that person. Besides, if you’re not growing and learning, then what are you doing?

Probably nothing, that’s what. You’re growing stagnant. You’re getting stuck in your ways. That’s my fear.

Ultimately, it comes back to creating for me. If you’re making something, doing some art medium, and you’re churning out piece after piece but the pieces are all the same, then I feel like you’re a failure or that I’m a failure, really. I mean, you can be financially successful, but that doesn’t mean that you are successful in your art. After a while, you’re not creating anymore, you’re just doing. If you’ve learned everything there is to know about your art, and you feel there’s nothing else to learn, then you’re hindering yourself or not challenging the medium enough, and I think that’s problematic.

What I’m trying to say is, there’s a difference between being knowledgeable and thinking you know all there is to know. You can’t know everything. In the words of Luke Skywalker, portrayed by Mark Hamill, “That’s not true! That’s impossible!” Don’t look into the context of that quote, please…

You can still imagine you’re omniscient like someone who has specialized their craft i.e. perhaps you’ve gone to school to master one type of Japanese glaze because most of the Japanese glazes I’m familiar with are difficult to work with and do require a greater understanding of what goes into them. You can become a master of that glaze, but not of ceramics. If you’re wondering why I bring up this oddly specific example it’s because I recently went to an exhibit in an art museum that demonstrated Japanese ceramics. It was gorgeous. I digress. I’m aware that I really shouldn’t downplay the importance of specialization within the arts. It is important to have experts, after all, but one thing for me that not only gives me a reason to continue but a reason to do anything at all, is the act of improving and learning. Without that, I don’t see a point.

I don’t mean to anger or insult anyone here, by the way. It’s more of a personal reflection than an attack. Monotonous repetition and a lack of stimulation and challenge is a nightmare for me. I hope that some of you will be able to sympathize with this.

If you’re wondering why I chose to go on this lengthy, analogical tangent when all I really wanted to do was exercise my insecurities over age and self-worth, well… Yes, I could’ve done that. I definitely could’ve done that because, as a creative person, my life falls under the theme I gave this blog. The point is, I wanted to be ridiculous.

This is one of those things where I’m already aware of where I want to go and where I’m going, but I don’t want to get there and have everything end. It’s the journey, not the destination. Yes, more wise colloquialisms. And if the destination is to have everything experienced, never have any surprises, good or bad, and have an easier life, then I don’t think I want it, necessarily.  This coming from the guy with a General Anxiety Disorder. Hence the beginning of this post.

Ha ha. Mental illness. Ha ha. That post will probably come at a later time.

To summarize: Everyone moves at their own pace. No one will have everything together. We all age. Some of us need to be constantly improving, and some of us are where we want to be. Age is a number. There are a lot of holidays in December. Etc.

Sound good?

Bottom line, don’t worry. Whether or not things don’t seem to be going your way, that’s something that happens, and is a thing that you can get over and/or improve. Also, work hard and create. Enjoy December too!

 

Yours,

 

Nathan