experience

December Baby. December, Baby.

December is a holiday month: Kwanza, Hanukkah, Fiesta of our Lady of Guadalupe, Omisoka/New Years Eve, Yule, Boxing Day, Christmas and etc. To name a few, as it were. It’s the time of the Winter Solstice. It also happens to be my birth month. Yay!

Although this year is feeling more like MEH.

I’ll be 29 this month. THIS MONTH. That’s a year away from 30!

And I most certainly do not have my shit figured out, pardon my French.

Whether it’s from people I know, people I idolize on the internet, or someone I happened to overhear on the street at 2AM, I hear the same age old wisdom: Your twenties are for experimentation and your thirties (and onward) are implementation. In other words, you work on figuring everything out in your twenties by making a series of mistakes, and then you act like you know what you’re doing because you base it off of what you learned from said mistakes or something.

This is terrifying to me.

Everyone makes it sound like I should have everything under control and understood by the time I’m done with this decade in my life. You might feel the same way. I don’t think it has much validity though. I’m not so sure if it’s because I don’t or because I know that’s bullshit. Yeah, I wanted my life to be fairly different from what it is now, so do a lot of people, but regardless of that, I know nobody is going to have everything figured out. Some, or most, people never will, in fact, and that’s fine. Or I think that’s fine.

What I’ve learned growing up is that there’s no significant shift between child and adult, not even in teenage years, but a gradual change where you have more responsibilities, stresses, freedoms, and challenges. People don’t suddenly turn into an adult just like people don’t magically have their shit under control because they’ve reached a certain age. You also don’t get rid of your past or who you were, you change from it and from that person. Besides, if you’re not growing and learning, then what are you doing?

Probably nothing, that’s what. You’re growing stagnant. You’re getting stuck in your ways. That’s my fear.

Ultimately, it comes back to creating for me. If you’re making something, doing some art medium, and you’re churning out piece after piece but the pieces are all the same, then I feel like you’re a failure or that I’m a failure, really. I mean, you can be financially successful, but that doesn’t mean that you are successful in your art. After a while, you’re not creating anymore, you’re just doing. If you’ve learned everything there is to know about your art, and you feel there’s nothing else to learn, then you’re hindering yourself or not challenging the medium enough, and I think that’s problematic.

What I’m trying to say is, there’s a difference between being knowledgeable and thinking you know all there is to know. You can’t know everything. In the words of Luke Skywalker, portrayed by Mark Hamill, “That’s not true! That’s impossible!” Don’t look into the context of that quote, please…

You can still imagine you’re omniscient like someone who has specialized their craft i.e. perhaps you’ve gone to school to master one type of Japanese glaze because most of the Japanese glazes I’m familiar with are difficult to work with and do require a greater understanding of what goes into them. You can become a master of that glaze, but not of ceramics. If you’re wondering why I bring up this oddly specific example it’s because I recently went to an exhibit in an art museum that demonstrated Japanese ceramics. It was gorgeous. I digress. I’m aware that I really shouldn’t downplay the importance of specialization within the arts. It is important to have experts, after all, but one thing for me that not only gives me a reason to continue but a reason to do anything at all, is the act of improving and learning. Without that, I don’t see a point.

I don’t mean to anger or insult anyone here, by the way. It’s more of a personal reflection than an attack. Monotonous repetition and a lack of stimulation and challenge is a nightmare for me. I hope that some of you will be able to sympathize with this.

If you’re wondering why I chose to go on this lengthy, analogical tangent when all I really wanted to do was exercise my insecurities over age and self-worth, well… Yes, I could’ve done that. I definitely could’ve done that because, as a creative person, my life falls under the theme I gave this blog. The point is, I wanted to be ridiculous.

This is one of those things where I’m already aware of where I want to go and where I’m going, but I don’t want to get there and have everything end. It’s the journey, not the destination. Yes, more wise colloquialisms. And if the destination is to have everything experienced, never have any surprises, good or bad, and have an easier life, then I don’t think I want it, necessarily.  This coming from the guy with a General Anxiety Disorder. Hence the beginning of this post.

Ha ha. Mental illness. Ha ha. That post will probably come at a later time.

To summarize: Everyone moves at their own pace. No one will have everything together. We all age. Some of us need to be constantly improving, and some of us are where we want to be. Age is a number. There are a lot of holidays in December. Etc.

Sound good?

Bottom line, don’t worry. Whether or not things don’t seem to be going your way, that’s something that happens, and is a thing that you can get over and/or improve. Also, work hard and create. Enjoy December too!

 

Yours,

 

Nathan

Writing What You Know

A.K.A. Sticking to Your Guns

How do you do this? How do you write what you want to write?

I often feel myself slumping down into my seat when I think about the material I’m producing and seeing how the world is. Currently, I’m attempting to write about sports. Recent world events make me feel like what I’ve chosen to write about is not important. I want to focus on topics like Toxic Masculinity and masculinity in general, because it’s what I’m familiar with and what effects me, but I feel like I should write an essay about world and/or political affairs. Or maybe something about the US’ current socioeconomic climate and its constant state of harming those whom would be deemed as “lesser.”

The thing is, I CAN still write about them. BUT, I’m not the best person to do so. Yes, the world seems to be in turmoil, but I’m not the most educated on climate science. I don’t have much experience in poor and/or rural communities of the US. I’m a barely lower-middle class, straight, white male who was forced to fit in despite mental illnesses and other natural weirdnesses based on cultural norms etc. It’s not these things I feel guilty about not writing, but it’s what I know.

I was not good at sports, and I hope you weren’t either. Even if you are, you’re still welcome! I’m only saying that because THAT’S what I’m writing about, or trying to anyway. Why that and not something else? Well, I’ll answer that question with another question: Why not?

There are lots of creators out there, a plethora of writers, each with their own style and subjects, most, if not all, of it dependent on their life experiences. I’m not saying you should rely on other writers or creators to get points across, your points across that is, but to assume that they will, at the very least, do better than someone who doesn’t have the same knowledge and/or experience as you. Now, you shouldn’t feel that something like creating a statue as a political statement and placing it in a community where it will get the most impact is something you should assume someone else will do and do it better, but you should be aware if this is what you’re best at and if you’re comfortable doing it.

I will say that stretching beyond your comfort zone is a good part of growing creatively. However, there are limits. You should certainly feel the need to expand your knowledge and skill set, but don’t do what you can’t do.

It’s difficult to accept, at times, especially when you feel inadequate in your work, but it is something everyone will need to get over at some point. It’s good to feel confident in what you’re working on/writing. It’s important to feel like you’re the only one who can write about what you’re writing about in the way that you’re writing about it. This is what’s often called “originality.”

Don’t write what you don’t know.

Sounds simple, but a lot of people try tackling things that they’re solely passionate about without the education necessary. If you really want to write about something, take the time to study and make sure that you’re knowledgeable about the subject. Don’t get me wrong, you need passion, that drive, but passion isn’t everything. I mean, it’s something, but it’s not enough.

On top of that, if someone tells you to stop writing about something, mostly something that they don’t find interesting as opposed to something they find could be harmful, you shouldn’t listen to that person. Now, if what you’re working on is poor in quality or moral fiber, then I would have to side with that person. BUT, if your work is just something they don’t care much about, then stick to your guns, and keep going. They’re not your target audience and you can find that later.

Not giving up, though, is something you need to find. If you can persevere, even things seem most difficult, most dire, then you’ve made it further than most. I will always encourage people to write and/or create. I hope the best for everyone.

 

Yours,

Nathan