me

Losing Passion

Below is a post I wrote last year before I began my classes and various projects that have consumed any free time I actually have. I was wasting my time, and I wasn’t doing anything to change my habits. Of course, I had no motivation to do so. I’m publishing it now to show what it sounds like when a person loses their passion. I am still dealing with this. I have no answers or solutions for you, other than to keep going or change the path your on, change what you’re doing. It’s important, if you are burned out, to find something else that catches you on fire again.

 

 

 

I don’t want to come here and write to a handful of people who don’t seem to care. You, reading this right now, do you care? Are you a creative person who wants to connect with other creatives and, possibly, learn from each other? Because I’m not getting that from anyone at the moment.

Although, I’m not completely sure if that matters. I’m still learning, after all.

I go home and, if I don’t workout, I get online and watch a video or movie. I don’t read. I don’t write.  Well, sometimes I’ll read and sometimes I’ll write, but it’s nowhere near the scale it was before.

I feel guilty. I still get excited for all the ideas I have and continue to have. I’m just no longer motivated or happy to make them into anything. I don’t want to write.

I DON’T WANT TO WRITE.

That is, I don’t want to write right now. I’m unmotivated. I can’t work up any gumption. In fairness, I don’t really want to do anything, which may have to do with other things, overarching things, things beyond my control.

In my head, I think I should write a second book piece-by-piece, get those pieces published individually and then try to get the whole thing published. And I’ve been trying it, although it’s been a slow, miserable, grinding process. I’m about ready to give up. No, that’s not completely right. I’m ready to give up. I want to give up.

I WANT TO GIVE UP.

The idea behind this blog was to write about life and experiences with and for other creative people. It was also a way to keep something going and changing on this site. I’ve somehow managed to keep this going. I’m not entirely sure how.

Here’s an excellent piece by Katy Cowan called Creatives, if you’ve lost your passion, don’t be afraid to change. If you want more like this or on the subject of losing passion, I guarantee that if you google something along the lines of losing your creative passion, you’ll get a plethora of results.

 

Any questions and comments are welcome here. Have any suggestions for future blogs or content, feel free to let me know.

 

All the best,

 

Nathan

There’s No Money In Writing: Oh The Humanities!

Preface: I wrote this September 11th, 2016, totally despondent from being asked to freelance for free. I hated how little recognition and support the humanities seemed to get, especially when you consider how much they give and do for everyone. And the thing is, I still feel this way. Although, I would consider myself less of a cynic now than when I wrote this originally. I think it’s important to understand what the arts does for everyone.

I also think that it’s important to note that asking someone to work for free or working for “exposure,” is an unethical and, frankly, non-capitalistic thing to do. Goods and/or services = compensation. I digress…

 

 

THERE’S NO MONEY IN WRITING!!!

 

Well, there is but there isn’t.

 

I was discussing the turnover rates at work and what our employers were doing and not doing to combat potential issues, when my coworker surprised me by saying, “I expect you’d be in a newspaper, not here.”

I shocked myself by responding, “There’s no money in writing. It’s not the 40s or whatever.”

So, yeah… There is but there isn’t.

 

Points.

We’re not all J.K. Rowling or Stephen King, two white people who write a lot, influence greatly, and have franchises beyond their bestsellers. I’m talking movies here, people. There are a lot of talented people out there. These people and anyone else who is creating, who isn’t bad, regardless of whether they’re friends or strangers, are competition. That is, in capitalism. Competition, as they say, is fierce. It’s difficult to get published, break into publishing, or really anything in the writing world. It’s all a struggle. A lot of the same scenarios with other art forms too.

 

It used to be that people like me, if their credentials and contacts aren’t good enough to put them into one of those aforementioned jobs but are still decent, we end up in academia. It’s not inherently a bad thing. In fact, it used to be the preferred route. You teach people to write while writing on the side yourself. You never lose that edge. You keep sharpening it, learning what’s good and bad from your students, peers, and any books you need to research. Now, it’s not a livable gig. You get picked up as an adjunct and, if you’re lucky, get the chance to eventually move up the proverbial ladder. Adjuncts dream of being turned into real professors. Real professors dream of tenure. Until they’re professors, many must take on additional work to get by. This ad on of work makes writing difficult. Don’t get me wrong, people can do it. People I know do it. The problem is that it doesn’t appeal to me. I also find the shaping of young minds to be a challenge I’m not sure I’d want to undertake. That’s a lot of pressure, but there’s no telling where things will go.

People.

So, where’s the money? Show me the money!

  1. Managers, agents, and people with established (or pre-established) names. Have them. Get them.

You got that? Know anyone famous who’d be willing and able to help you? Got strings to pull in the industry? Use them if you do/can. They might get you places you never dreamed of before. It’s still a longshot though, but it’s a shot.

  1. Patrons. You heard me.

We’re in the wrong time period for this, but it would be cool if an independently wealthy individual or family was willing to sponsor your arts. Of course, they do this because they expect you to eventually become famous and provide them with more income. Like I said, capitalism.

  1. Newspapers?

Yes, taking it back to the beginning of this piece, I could always try my luck in a newspaper. Those sometimes pay enough that you do not starve to death. I’ve interned for some. I was also on the school paper for part of high school. I’m currently freelancing for an online one that’s connected to my current job. We’re in the future. It’s a hard road though, filled with deadlines, stress, and ink.
I don’t know where the money is. It’s everywhere and it’s nowhere.

 

Where will you be when reality sets in?

You know what? Don’t think too hard about it. There’s not a whole lot of money outside of a good book deal followed by tours and movie adaptations. And you’ll have to be lucky and more than lucky to pull that off. Let’s face it, it’s a battle with low yield. Society needs the arts but isn’t willing to pay for them, not all of them. Escapism isn’t valued the same as it used to be, and the competition is only growing. Demand is down. Supply is high.

This may be a cynical view from a picky jerk who’s all but given up, and you’re somewhat right. Well, you are but you aren’t. I’m still writing. The plan is the plan that a lot of people have had for forever: Work a job unrelated to your interests, write when you can, as much as you can, try to get it published somewhere, read to some people when and where you can, and hope for the best. Maybe there’s a way out of it somewhere out there. I just haven’t found it yet. All I can do is what everyone everywhere does, keep going. Keep going.

 

That, right there, is my only real bit of advice for you here. If you’ve started this, if it’s what drives you, what you really want, then keep going. It’s not that there’s no point in giving up, there is, but I can guarantee that you don’t want to be at the end of your life with the knowledge that you didn’t do that one thing. Besides, people like me are too deep in it to give it up, nor do I want to. Regardless of finances, I’m going to find a way to express myself and work my craft. I hope you feel the same. I know that this has taken a turn but keep going.

 

Yours,

Nathan

What I Talk About When I Talk About 2017.

New Year, New Me?

Yeah no.

My concise thoughts on the matter, if you don’t want to read my long-winded, tangential, ramblings: Forget it. Just be a better you. Otherwise, don’t do anything different. Oh, and fight really, really hard.

There are some things to consider: What do you want to do? What are you doing? What can you improve?

In his book, Psycho-Cybernetics, Dr. Maxwell Maltz, a former plastic surgeon, determined it took 21 days for changes to stick. Later the myth was broken by Phillipa Lally who found it can take about 2 months, 66 days really, on average. That’s a crazy amount of time to make a change and stick to it. Look at THIS Huffington Post article for more information.

Near the start of February 2016, I weighed 210 lbs. I didn’t exercise, and I ate horrendously. I hope you’re aware that’s all bad. I did. I realized my problems. I decided to start eating better, and running and working out nearly every day or every-other-day. Guess how long I kept to it? An entire year. I even plan on keeping it up the following year and the year after that, etc. I’m down 40 lbs. and I’m much healthier.

This is one of those rare occasions where I stick to something and achieve it. But I would say it’s more because of my stubbornness rather than anything else. I hated my appearance and my health, and I was determined to fix it. You know what I go for all my hard work? Clothes that don’t fit right anymore. I’m a writer. It’s not like I can go out on a shopping spree for new clothes. I’m kidding. That’s why belts exist.

I digress.

Most of you is probably fine the way it is. There are things you could work on unlearning like being a jerk, for example. I’m sure, reader, that you’re most likely not a jerk. Really, what you need to do is reflect on the things you view as good that you already do and you think you should do more of… For me, this was writing.

Previously, I mentioned that, before I got a job and before I went to grad school, I was writing a ridiculous 4 hours a day. This diminished greatly to maybe once a week. I knew this was bad even with the commitments of adulthood. What do I do? I make a deal with myself to write once a day. I don’t set a time limit. I try to block a time, but I still keep it flexible. Then I write for as long as I can before something like my work break ends or my stomach decides food is needed. To me, it’s the most important thing to do. I can’t write like the old days, but I don’t want to give it up either. So, I have this solution. It’s not the best, but it is better.

Other important things to consider:

  • What’s your work habit like?
  • How can you improve it?
  • What do you want to work on?
  • What can you realistically work on? (work on the ones you can)

Part II, The Artists

What can I say about 2017 in regards to artists and creators?

*Sigh*

A few things, really. At the very least, the next four years, not just the one, are going to be difficult, more so for some than others. Here is where I’d make a joke if I found it appropriate to do so. Even though people are griping about the severity of 2016, it can, in fact, get worse. This is especially true when you consider that some of the worst parts people refer to tend to be the deaths of celebrities they’ve never met. This is fine. They impacted you at some point. The odds are you probably didn’t know them personally. Although a famous stranger’s death can affect you, it’s not the worst thing that can happen to you. There, I said it.

So, what are we supposed to do with this new year that seems to be the coming possible apocalypse? I have a couple ideas. You don’t have to agree. You also don’t have to disagree. These are thoughts.

As an artist, you are going to be facing a group of people in power who will do all they can to get what they want, and they don’t seem to care about you or most anyone else. This means you need to enter the fray in arenas like socioeconomics and politics, as much as it pains me to say that. Let’s face it, society is in the process of shitting all over itself. You may not feel like this, but it’s the artist’s duty to not only point this out to them but to also assist them in cleaning this mess.

Here you are, thrust into the scene of uncertainty, a bohemian militant. If you can see the wrong, it can see you. Now is the time to fight. Or, really, now is the time to create. Don’t hold back. If someone tells you something is too much, the correct response is, “Fuck you.” Then carry on with what you were doing. Also consider getting rid of that person. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. I think that’s what that is.

It won’t be easy. It won’t be fast. Most everything about it will be painful. It will probably be dangerous at times. If all you want to do is make money off of art, then you’ve come into the wrong time period, with exception to being born into certain races, classes, and sexual orientations. Even then, the world will make no promises.

Part III, Everyone

Take a deep breath. Reflect on your life. What’s going on? What do you want to do? What have you been doing? What of that stuff you’ve been doing can you do better? Think.

I know I sound like a broken record, but it’s important. Don’t accept what people tell you. Or don’t take everything you’re told at face value. Investigate matters. Call your leaders that you chose to represent you and your best interests out on their bullshit. Don’t be offended when other people do the same thing to people you side with; they are simply doing the same for themselves.

Do you care about someone? You should keep caring about them. Unless it goes to shit. Then don’t. Whatever. You’re your own person. Just take care of yourself, and try to cherish what you already have. Do you love someone or something? Does it hurt someone else? If not, then keep loving that someone or something.

Remember to eat well, drink lots of water, and get plenty of rest. Wait. I forget. Are you sick? Never mind.

Part IV, End

It’s the beginning of the year, but I’m talking about the end. Figures.

Here’s the deal, you’re most likely going to be living longer than four years, let alone the one. This makes it important to not only fight through 2017, but all the remaining years of your life. Also, live. Be sure to live. That’s going to be key. Enjoy what you can. Create what and when you can. Think deeply. Love widely. I appreciate you as both a person and a reader, and, despite everything happening, I do hope for the best for you and the people in your life.

 

 

Much love,

Nathan