creative

The Return(ish)

Greetings!

A lot has happened since my last post. You know, the one where I went on hiatus or whatever without telling anyone I was going to.. About that…. Sorry? But not really.

As the great Ferris Bueller once said,  “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

I did that, kind of; except that it less like I stopped to look around and more like I reached out to grab on and gotten taken for one hell of a ride. I’m still reeling.

Where to begin?

First of all, as of October 2018, I became a homeowner. It’s a two story, 2 bedroom, 1.5 bath (and counting, nice row home that continues to increase in equity. Not much in the way of yards, but I do have a deck and a balcony. For a “starter home” as some are inclined to say, I don’t think I did too bad. I’ve technically been moved in for about 2 months now, but I’m still waiting on throwing a house warming party.

Part of that is due to the other big thing I went through recently. I had a bit of a spill… onto the sidewalk… in November. Apparently that fall caused 2 unusual tears in my meniscus, and led to the discovery of a “Chronic ACL tear,” which is probably the culprit for the meniscus fiasco. You see, the ACL helps stabilize the knee. Without it, you’re more prone to damaging the rest of the knee and to greater significance. I walked with a cane for a while. Then I had surgery and used crutches. They put a brace on my knee and told me I couldn’t walk on my leg for 6 weeks. Well, now that I’m weight bearing, I’m going through physical therapy, butting heads with my surgeon, and torturing myself in the name of getting better. Seriously though, during my daily routines , the involuntary sounds I make are akin to a men’s tennis match, but with more pain in it than usual. So, probably Wimbledon then.  I am getting better, and everyone expects a full recovery from me.

I’m still in school and I’m 30 now. There was an complete failure on the part of my previous adviser who was, apparently, advising me as if I were getting a different degree, and now I will have to spend a little more time getting the degree. I also had to learn CSS and HTML to continue with this degree. Not sure I know enough yet to put on a resume, but I’m hopeful I’ll get there. You’re never to old!

I am still writing. Slowly but surely. Still mapping. Still looking things up. Still writing things down to add. It’s a lot. I’m probably going to take breaks and work on shorter forms and submissions, but the longer piece is still being hammered out/typed.

With that said, don’t expect the same amount of volume from this site as was previously being published. Yes, I intend to write here from time-to-time. Expect more of a quarterly schedule, if that. I will send stuff out via social media when I have an update.

I hope that the creativity is going well!

 

Yours,

Nathan

 

PS I found out recently that I am going to be an uncle soon and I’m so EXCITED!!!

A Hardworking Loser

And you can too!!!

What’s up reader?

This year, I’ve been working on both my writing and my life. I’ve been dealing with constant stress and anxiety. I have little to show for it except two final grades and the bags beneath my eyes. Who needs sleep anyway?!

I can only hope that taking about 10 days’ vacation (holiday) later this month will be sufficient in reversing the strain from seven months of hard work (not that I haven’t been working hard before this). That all sound like a stretch to anyone else? All I know is that it can’t hurt!

Afterward, because I haven’t found a house to buy, despite initially being reassured that it would only take two to three months at the start of the year, I’ll be moving back in with my parents. Rent is too damn high! That’s an old school meme. That’s not all of the reason. Looking for another apartment, a roommate(s), and signing a yearlong lease doesn’t make much sense when you’re looking to purchase your own place, right? Right.

I’m still working on writing a book too while working full time and going back to school. Although this is a different book than mentioned previously. I’ve ventured off into fantasy with a story that’s been in my head for a while. I’m reading a lot of fantasy too, which is something I never really got into before now. I think that, given current events, this is not that surprising a departure, even for a Nonfiction writer.

How do I do it? Isn’t it obvious?

I am a hardworking loser.

There’s nothing easy about taking on/being in the arts. This is truer than ever. Especially in the U.S, acceptance has taken an all-time low despite it being needed more than ever. I.E. Every company needs a design and marketing strategy, websites need copy, television and movies need scripts, publications need articles (also sometimes referred to as copy), and people, in general, need escape.

The good news is:

If you’re struggling, you just might be doing it right.

Some people get lucky, know just the right people, write just the right thing at just the right time. But for the rest of us, it’s the grind or it’s nothing.

If you thought breaking into it was going to be simple, not wrought with drudgery and disappointment, I also have some bad news for you…

It might never get any better.

That’s not to say it will be bad, but that you’re never guaranteed any form of success and/or satisfaction. If you’re like me, creating is its own enjoyment. I’ve been told I light up when I talk about writing (incidentally, been told the same when I recant fishing stories). Sometimes that’s enough. Sometimes it has to be enough. We all have to learn and change. If you didn’t, how can you call yourself creative? Stagnation is the alternative. Sounds boring.

Look at me: Single, about to be 30, overworked, an abundance of debt, about to move back with parents despite a paying job that just covers the costs of living. I find it very frustrating and often depressing, but I still manage to find happiness in life, occasionally. Not to be a downer or anything.

Life is strange.

It’s hard and it’s unpredictable. It can be terrible, but it can also be awesome. It’s part perspective and part how much shit is thrown your way. And the other part is how you choose to deal with it. That’s three parts. I’m so good at math(s).

How to deal?

Might I recommend taking up a creative hobby, besides the one you might already have? Or maybe getting exercise and trying to eat healthily? Sometimes working hard and finishing something is helpful. Have you tried fishing?

I do all of the above. Except fishing, I don’t do that very often anymore.

It’s important to find an outlet. And it can be extremely necessary to find more than one. That can be tricky due to time restrictions, but it’s still good to prioritize yourself.

Are you a hardworking loser? What do you do to get by? How are you doing? Let me know.

Seriously, I hope anyone reading this is doing well or trying to do well.

Feel free to leave a comment, like this post, and, please, share it. Suggestions for future topics are always welcome.

 

Sincerely yours,

Nathan

I’ll Be Real With You (in June)/What Have I Been Working On?

Hi.

How are you?

How are things?

Oh, I’m fine. Tired. Been up to a lot is all.

So, I took Typography I and Adaptation by Design at the University of Baltimore this Spring. My final projects took a lot out of me, but the overall creative elements were amazing and reinvigorating, to an extent.  I mean, I’m absolutely burned out on design, but I still love it.

For Typography, I was instructed to create a cookbook layout for a family recipe along with a cover for the book it would be in. There were a lot of elements to this that were difficult to keep straight, but I somehow managed. I ended up finishing with a nice layout of Broccoli Casserole. One thing I discovered in this process was that I’m not very good at photography, or, really, not very good at food photography. Nature? I’m ok. People? Yeah, I go that. Food? Nope. In the end, I had to purchase a stock photo of something that looked an awful lot like broccoli casserole because it was not only the nicest (not) broccoli casserole of the few broccoli casseroles but also went along well with the layout.

For my Adaptation course, I took the movie Battleship, and adapted it into a card game with tokens featuring the red and white pegs we all know and love. The movie was weird, but this was fun for me to do. I based the card size off Pokemon, and the basic layout on the now out of print, Star Wars Customizable Card Game. Suggested game play mechanics are similar to the original board game but with Star Wars elements mixed in. In total, using screenshots from the movie, I designed/adapted 81 cards, some character, some effect, and some ships. Although it wasn’t necessary, I spent over two days printing and cutting out the cards to give to my professor. Before that was a lot of guess-and-checking of general layout for printing. It was a headache, but ultimately was well worth the added effort. I like doing stuff like that. I’m a weird workaholic, but I enjoy myself. I promise. Also, did you know there’s a whole school of thought on Adaptation Studies? I swear I’m not making this up. It was really interesting!

Other things I’m working on: A Memoir Collection about sports I used to play (it’s on hiatus right now, but I’m getting back to it) and a potential fantasy genre book(? [a real departure for me, to say the least]). I blame my brother-in-law for this for introducing me and getting me hooked on the King Killer Chronicles.

Now, some honesty.

Going back to school is a hassle. You know, in a good way. Picking up new skills and sharpening the ones that you have is always going to be good and advantageous for you, but the work that you will have to put in, the parts of life you will have to sacrifice i.e. sleep, relationships, your weekends, etc. can be a fairly big negative in terms of going back or starting in the first place. There are other areas too that make it difficult, depending on your situation. I know that, for me, working full time and taking on two graduate level design classes was rough.  On top of that, I was doing other stressful stuff that hasn’t helped my mental or emotion health. I’ve been working on that though.

I have only told a handful of people what I’m about to tell you now. Really, I was hoping to have already finished it before telling anyone else, but I’ve decided that, in this blog, I’d come clean and be real with you all.  I’ve been looking into BUYING A HOUSE. 

AAAAAAHHHH!!! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD!

*DEEP BREATH*

*Ahem* Sorry…

As I was saying, I’ve done a lot of the work to get grants and whatnot, but have yet to come up with finding the right place with not too many issues. Hey, my current budget is finite, to say the least. It’s been hectic on top of everything else. But that’s life.

My whole thing about taking on a lot is perseverance is key. Pushing your way through life is what it takes sometimes. BUT it’s important to try to enjoy it. Some of the design stuff, for instance, was great because it meant I could flex my creative muscles. Sure, I was reading some questionable stuff on x-heights, ascenders, and franchises but I was also doing things that I found enjoyable in the midst of all this effort.

And it paid off. Once I find this new home and get moved in, I’ll have one more thing to enjoy. Notice the confidence in that sentence. I’ll get it done, eventually. What I’m trying to say is that, especially for creative types, you’re going to have to do things you don’t like or are uninteresting to get by, it’s virtually inevitable, but that shouldn’t stop you and you shouldn’t let it stop you from finding enjoyment in life.

Don’t give up being creative!

It might mean that you have to dig out times to do the things you want, but for your own sake keep doing!!

It’s easier said than done, I know. Don’t be discouraged by cliché phrases. It might not seem like it, but it’s worth it. I mean, if you’re going to want your life to be lived a certain way, then live it. Where there’s a will there’s a way, am I right?

Don’t answer that. I know I am.

Ok, I’m done. I promise.

 

Thank YOU for reading this. If you have any topics you’d like me to cover, have any questions or comments, then feel free to let me know.

 

Yours,

Nathan

Losing Passion

Below is a post I wrote last year before I began my classes and various projects that have consumed any free time I actually have. I was wasting my time, and I wasn’t doing anything to change my habits. Of course, I had no motivation to do so. I’m publishing it now to show what it sounds like when a person loses their passion. I am still dealing with this. I have no answers or solutions for you, other than to keep going or change the path your on, change what you’re doing. It’s important, if you are burned out, to find something else that catches you on fire again.

 

 

 

I don’t want to come here and write to a handful of people who don’t seem to care. You, reading this right now, do you care? Are you a creative person who wants to connect with other creatives and, possibly, learn from each other? Because I’m not getting that from anyone at the moment.

Although, I’m not completely sure if that matters. I’m still learning, after all.

I go home and, if I don’t workout, I get online and watch a video or movie. I don’t read. I don’t write.  Well, sometimes I’ll read and sometimes I’ll write, but it’s nowhere near the scale it was before.

I feel guilty. I still get excited for all the ideas I have and continue to have. I’m just no longer motivated or happy to make them into anything. I don’t want to write.

I DON’T WANT TO WRITE.

That is, I don’t want to write right now. I’m unmotivated. I can’t work up any gumption. In fairness, I don’t really want to do anything, which may have to do with other things, overarching things, things beyond my control.

In my head, I think I should write a second book piece-by-piece, get those pieces published individually and then try to get the whole thing published. And I’ve been trying it, although it’s been a slow, miserable, grinding process. I’m about ready to give up. No, that’s not completely right. I’m ready to give up. I want to give up.

I WANT TO GIVE UP.

The idea behind this blog was to write about life and experiences with and for other creative people. It was also a way to keep something going and changing on this site. I’ve somehow managed to keep this going. I’m not entirely sure how.

Here’s an excellent piece by Katy Cowan called Creatives, if you’ve lost your passion, don’t be afraid to change. If you want more like this or on the subject of losing passion, I guarantee that if you google something along the lines of losing your creative passion, you’ll get a plethora of results.

 

Any questions and comments are welcome here. Have any suggestions for future blogs or content, feel free to let me know.

 

All the best,

 

Nathan

I Stopped Writing [Clickbait]: But No, I Really Did Stop.

In November, which was about two months ago , I stopped writing. *GASP*

In fairness, I really stalled out in October. That is, I stopped my major book writing project. It just turned difficult with work stuff, health stuff, and various other stressful and less stressful things. November, ironically, is when I stopped trying to write the book stuff. I still wrote though. I’m intentionally being misleading. I try to write, if not every day, then most days out of the week. I’m writing this in November, for instance.

But I did take on side projects.

Yeah, and then I started making Christmas cards for family members. It started with the immediate family, and then I got carried away with it, kind of. I used InDesign, Illustrator, and Photoshop, all skills obtained via graduate school. I researched card sizes. I searched for decent card stocks available at affordable prices. I had to figure out how I was going to print and cut them. I did everything, and I had fun doing it. It was great to do on multiple levels. I was not only able to use my skills to help me get something out in the world for people that I cared about, but I also was able to refresh myself on what I really enjoy doing outside of, well, writing. Plus, it was great to have a project that wasn’t strictly word and story based, not that there’s anything wrong with that per say.

I’ve said it before in previous blogs: When you come to a wall or are burned out, besides pushing through, take a break and do something else that utilizes the creativity in you.

You’ll either find your old drive rejuvenated or you’ll discover a new flame.

I made over a dozen individual, custom sized Christmas/Holiday cards, and I had a blast doing it! I got to be as specific and inventive as I wanted. No restrictions placed on myself. It was what I needed.

 

New Year blah blah blah…

You may be wondering to yourself, “Why the new year repetition?” If you’re not, you should be. It’s quite simple, really. This state of creativity or lack thereof is common. Most likely everyone or almost everyone reading this and otherwise who fancies themselves creative in any way and does a creative thing almost exclusively will go through this. And it will happen more than once. It’s no happenstance, freak occurrence. It’s an ailment of the routine and overdoing and boredom.

But, rest assured, it is not a permanent state, usually. What I prescribe might not necessarily be right for you, but you will be able to find your own remedy. I am merely here to give fair warning, and help when and where I can. That’s the idea anyway.

Seriously though… What have I been writing?

Poems mostly. For a while there, I was trying to create a chapbook, but I mostly gave that up. Lately, poetry has come easiest to me. When I want to write but I’m finding it difficult, I’ll go down to the park, watch what’s going on, smell the air, listen, and write a poem detailing everything that I’m experiencing. It’s something I was instructed to do way back when in under grad that I still do, because it works. Granted, the original assignment was just to be a voyeur and write about people, but I found nuances in it which help me when I’m struggling that I enjoy implementing.

I do intend to get back to book writing eventually. Part of the problem is life. It’s hectic and stressful, and it makes it difficult to put in the time and effort I would need to write something this big. That said, I did end up writing about six out of nine essays that I intended to have created. So, I’m not far off from the plan. I’m just on hiatus.

Of course, I couldn’t go without using my creative muscles. Hence the cards.

I’ve seen a lot of people start and eventually give up on projects they’ve set for themselves. I’ve seen a lot of people never return to finish those projects. I’m fortunate in that I’m stubborn about finishing things that I start. I’m aware not everyone is like that. Some of you will need restrictions and/or deadlines from outside sources, and that’s perfectly fine. It’s certainly a good motivator, at the very least. Also, if it’s just something for you, it can be less rewarding than, let’s say, if you’re getting paid to do something. That’s cool too. Money can help immensely.

That said, if you have trouble finishing things that you start for yourself, bring in another person. It can be incredibly helpful to have someone else to rely on to push you into accomplishing goals you set for yourself. That is, I recommend having someone that will hold you accountable and apply pressure when needed. You can’t do everything on your own.

Well, unless you’re crazy like me…

 

The Key to Success

Accomplishing goals, finishing self-imposed projects, getting published, giving readings, sometimes getting paid for these things, and not having everything spin out of control. These are all elements of what I would consider success.

I think it’s important to understand that success is a subjective term. It can be measured by societal expectations but, ultimately, it’s really a case-by-case thing that is dependent on an individual’s expectations and understandings.

Personally, being able to see through any creative endeavors, whether I’ve made them for myself or been given them by another person, is indicative of me being successful.

So, I can absolutely give up writing, sort of, even for a couple months, and still be successful.

It comes down to perspective.

If you think that fame and fortune are what constitutes as success, which is understandable if you have always lived in a capitalistic society that tells you that, then that’s your bar. I will give fair warning in this regard that viewing that as success may be devastating, especially in the arts where that is rarely accomplished. Of course, if that’s what you want, then that’s what you want.

 

I encourage people to pursue what makes them happy, within reason, morality, and civility. We’re all going to be here for only so long. And have a great 2018!

 

Yours,

Nathan

It’s November: A Time To Be Grateful Or Novel Writing Or Not Shaving Or Something.

Sometimes the end of the year hits or nears or looms and I’m left without a sense of motivation or anything to do. With that in mind, I wanted to give a few examples of things that can be done in November, and then I wanted to try to tie them into being creative or close to it. This intro reminds me of the old way they used to teach us how to write essays: No surprises. Well, maybe just a few.

THANKSGIVING

It’s definitely Autumn (colloquially Fall in the States). The US is closing in on participating in what is known as Thanksgiving. It’s a day that devolved into a national holiday where we usually eat too much turkey and a number of other somewhat traditional foods to the point where we’re too full and enter a state of rest similar to that of a coma. Not to say that’s a bad thing, I love the food, but there’s supposed to be more to it than that.

Now, let’s forget for a moment that the original meal was thanks to Native Americans in some way helping out people coming from Europe and that those same European immigrants attempted and at times were successful at genocide of the native populations, said the white man writing this blog… The real object of the holiday isn’t intended to be that of gluttony, although it often is, but to think on your blessings and what you’re grateful for at the time.

You may be like, “What does this [American] tradition have to do with being creative?” Good question, me and/or reader if you actually thought of it. I find that, after a while, I lose sight of the good things in my life, and I not only become disappointed but wholly dissatisfied with it. This puts me in a state where I’m not just incapable of creating, which I do become, but I’m not really capable of doing much of anything. For instance, although I might not like my job, it pays and gives me benefits that currently keep me alive, for example. What I’m trying to say here is that it’s good to get perspective on things.

Yes, it’s difficult, if not close to impossible, for most of us to do what we want to do if it’s something artistic, BUT there are plenty of good things going on as well, things you can use to help motivate you. Also, being unhappy puts a strain and often a stop to creativity. I highly advise against it.

NANOWRIMO

Maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “What is that? That’s not a word!” That’s appropriate if you did think that. I once had that same reaction. Also, you’d be correct in thinking that’s technically not a word, but I digress.

Most people don’t know what that is. I know I was unaware of it until around 2009 when I was in undergrad. It stands for National Novel Writing Month. It happens every year on the same month, November. It’s starts on the 1st and ends at 11:59PM on the 30th.

Here’s the premise for the whole month, essentially, people set out to write a whole, full length novel in the course of a month. That’s something I wouldn’t necessarily recommend. The length goal is  50,000 words. The writing process resembles a marathon. You even have to pace yourself. If you don’t meet a word goal of about 1,667 words a day, then it’s important to think about either giving up or giving yourself more time and not participating in this. I’ve known some people to spend the greater part of a year preparing for this event. I’ve seen layouts of plot points, characters, and themes, much like I’ve seen with others who wrote novels in grad school with me over the course of several months. I’ll take a moment to add here that there are other versions of this like NaPoWriMo, but that’s during another month.

Obviously, this is creative. The idea of writing a novel in a month seems preposterous. Yet, at the same time, I think it’s important to challenge yourself in your craft and see what you can do. There’s nothing quite like honing your skills like using them in a difficult way. And, I feel, this goes beyond the advice of simply using your skills to keep them sharp, but also understanding your skills and talent and what you’re capable of as an artist.

Honestly, it’s impressive. I couldn’t do it. When I was in college, I couldn’t because I was already writing a lot. Now, I don’t do it because I’m lazy, have fun things I want to do, and I work full time. But I will say that if you have the time to commit to it and you are successful at keeping up with the word count, then more power to you. I think that’s wonderful and I hope that you are able to keep it up.

If anyone reading this is interested, there’s an official NANOWRIMO site you can go to. They even provide some incentives to help keep people going. I encourage anyone who wants to try it for themselves to do it.

 

NO SHAVE NOVEMBER

Can anyone remember what this one was about? Oh, that’s right, not shaving. I mean, it’s right there in the title. Hard to forget…

I don’t know when this originated, but I do know it was back in high school, many moons ago, I first heard about it. The actual meaning of this is to promote cancer awareness. That may sound strange, but there is some logic behind it. The idea is that you embrace your hair and grow it out because so many cancer patients going through chemo end up losing theirs. In some ways, it’s to keep you grateful for what you have, which is, hopefully, hair and being cancer free. I am in the process of balding, albeit many would argue that I’m already there, and will probably have to shave my head in the near future. I did grow a beard about 2 years ago and never looked back though.

I do want to point out how male/testosterone/facial hair-centric this particular one is, when it doesn’t have to be. If you shave anywhere, during this time, you should just stop. It’s as easy as that to participate. Let the hair grow!

Ok, I’m done.

If you’re able to grow out facial hair or head hair or any kind of hair, I guess, for this one, it’s an excellent time to practice styling. I definitely see this as a creative endeavor. It’s equally a way to test any relevant skills you may have, or a way to find some hidden talent. It’s hair. At the end of the month, if you’ve managed to stick to it that long, then you can get rid of it. For those of you who might have a lot, I would encourage donating to those without. In case you were wondering, I don’t mean me.

There are other variations like Mustache November, but I think it’s important to stick to the ones I can remember immediately and take the least amount of effort. No Shave November also has it’s own site. See, I linked it in the previous sentence so you can go there if you want, but you don’t have to. I mostly wanted to point that out to show I’m not totally neglectful.

 

 

These are just a few things: I don’t want anyone coming to me and telling me there’s nothing to do in November. I also don’t want to hear anyone claim that they can’t find a way for events to have an effect on their creativity. I mean, I just spun a thing where you don’t shave. If you’re having trouble getting your creative juices flowing, then do something that challenges you and/or takes your mind off it. You know, I advise living a bit.

Have a great November!

 

Yours,

Nathan

Writing What You Know

A.K.A. Sticking to Your Guns

How do you do this? How do you write what you want to write?

I often feel myself slumping down into my seat when I think about the material I’m producing and seeing how the world is. Currently, I’m attempting to write about sports. Recent world events make me feel like what I’ve chosen to write about is not important. I want to focus on topics like Toxic Masculinity and masculinity in general, because it’s what I’m familiar with and what effects me, but I feel like I should write an essay about world and/or political affairs. Or maybe something about the US’ current socioeconomic climate and its constant state of harming those whom would be deemed as “lesser.”

The thing is, I CAN still write about them. BUT, I’m not the best person to do so. Yes, the world seems to be in turmoil, but I’m not the most educated on climate science. I don’t have much experience in poor and/or rural communities of the US. I’m a barely lower-middle class, straight, white male who was forced to fit in despite mental illnesses and other natural weirdnesses based on cultural norms etc. It’s not these things I feel guilty about not writing, but it’s what I know.

I was not good at sports, and I hope you weren’t either. Even if you are, you’re still welcome! I’m only saying that because THAT’S what I’m writing about, or trying to anyway. Why that and not something else? Well, I’ll answer that question with another question: Why not?

There are lots of creators out there, a plethora of writers, each with their own style and subjects, most, if not all, of it dependent on their life experiences. I’m not saying you should rely on other writers or creators to get points across, your points across that is, but to assume that they will, at the very least, do better than someone who doesn’t have the same knowledge and/or experience as you. Now, you shouldn’t feel that something like creating a statue as a political statement and placing it in a community where it will get the most impact is something you should assume someone else will do and do it better, but you should be aware if this is what you’re best at and if you’re comfortable doing it.

I will say that stretching beyond your comfort zone is a good part of growing creatively. However, there are limits. You should certainly feel the need to expand your knowledge and skill set, but don’t do what you can’t do.

It’s difficult to accept, at times, especially when you feel inadequate in your work, but it is something everyone will need to get over at some point. It’s good to feel confident in what you’re working on/writing. It’s important to feel like you’re the only one who can write about what you’re writing about in the way that you’re writing about it. This is what’s often called “originality.”

Don’t write what you don’t know.

Sounds simple, but a lot of people try tackling things that they’re solely passionate about without the education necessary. If you really want to write about something, take the time to study and make sure that you’re knowledgeable about the subject. Don’t get me wrong, you need passion, that drive, but passion isn’t everything. I mean, it’s something, but it’s not enough.

On top of that, if someone tells you to stop writing about something, mostly something that they don’t find interesting as opposed to something they find could be harmful, you shouldn’t listen to that person. Now, if what you’re working on is poor in quality or moral fiber, then I would have to side with that person. BUT, if your work is just something they don’t care much about, then stick to your guns, and keep going. They’re not your target audience and you can find that later.

Not giving up, though, is something you need to find. If you can persevere, even things seem most difficult, most dire, then you’ve made it further than most. I will always encourage people to write and/or create. I hope the best for everyone.

 

Yours,

Nathan

A Time to Create

When I am writing this, it is 3AM.

I cannot sleep.

Despite my prescribed sleeping medication, not actually prescribed to help remedy a sleep issue, funny enough, I am awake. What makes this great is that the internet is currently down as well. It’s really the perfect combination.

Although, in a way, I’m grateful. I wouldn’t be writing right now if the scenario were different. I’d be watching a video on YouTube or Netflix. We all know that most of writing on a computer is comprised of a page here followed by 40 minutes of Internet access, rinse and repeat. Maybe looking up a recipe or googling symptoms to a disease that I swear I’ve just contracted within the time I was asleep. Because it’s probably not really insomnia if I was asleep moments ago, right?

The thing is I’m writing. I’m creating. Everyone has different cycles when it comes to their ability to create. You may have noticed that you perform better at certain points in the day. A lot of writers, for instance, are cursed with the inane ability to write proficiently around 3AM and not really any other time. And this can be a tricky thing to figure out unless you’re in my scenario or a similar one, because distractions lay everywhere in the Modern or Postmodern world, depending on who you ask.

I normally create during the day. I like the sun being out and birds flying overhead. I’ll even go to the park when I’m not at work, watch the birds hop along the sidewalk, heads tilted with goofy expressions. I’ll take out a notebook from my back pocket and a pen from my front one and write whatever comes to mind or what I need to. I’ll feel a breeze roll over me.

Do you know when and where the best time and place to create is for you? It can be a pivotal moment. If you figure it out, you can set a schedule to work specifically during that time and/or place. It can be unfortunate if you find it’s during late hours, but that can also give you a reason to work late shifts or stay up on weekends, if you weren’t already.

Most of us discover this by accident. Case in point. I had an inkling I might be good for writing in the early hours, but I wouldn’t have known without my brain keeping me up like it is now. Of course, I’m well content with my day writing. I’m less tired that way. I don’t want nor intend for this to become habitual. I say that if it works for your, fits into your routine, then go for it. Otherwise, do test other times of day and/or night. Despite what I just said about it usually being found by accident, you can still intentionally seek it out, I promise. It’s just a lot of guess and check type stuff. But you’ll never know unless you try. I highly encourage, if you want to create, you try.

I also hope that you never find yourself in this situation, but it happens.

 

All the best and lots of love,

Nathan

Stella: A Meditation

I’m going to be honest with you right away: I seriously want to make a pun and/or reference to A Streetcar Named Desire or How Stella Got Her Groove Back, but I’ll refrain. I promise.

Welcome to my mind. It’s not the most coherent piece I’ve written, but coming as a form of meditation, I’m surprised it took shape the way it did.

 

  1. Monkey Mind

 

It’s been over a year since I started this blog. A lot has happened. A lot is happening. My first blog was on the snow storm that hit Baltimore. Jonas kept me from going to work, and left many, including myself, without power. Recently, if you’re reading this and you’re not in the US, the blizzard (snowstorm) known as Stella came through the East Coast. They really played her up. I mean, meteorologists were terrified, claiming that places could see up to 20 inches, which some did come close to. Baltimore was supposed to get hit hard as well. People were losing their minds about the Biblical proportions coming our way. Bread, milk, toilet paper, and water were disappearing from store shelves. Businesses closed in advance, but the statements proved hyperbolic, to say the least. Then little happened. It was such a major difference to the one that I started all this with. It reminded me of it though. So, I thought I would reflect some.

I try hard to challenge myself, write every single day, but still keep it all together. I am not always successful. Yet, I’ve learned to forgive myself, move on, and try again the next day. You might be surprised, but I really like writing. I love the arts, which are in jeopardy as we speak, er— read/write. Well, they are in the U.S. at the moment anyway… So, Stella. Right. I was talking about that, and how I challenge myself. That’s another reason I write these blogs, not just because I wanted something to keep this site active. Although, that was one of my original points for this blog.

When I started this, I was writing my book. I was in the MFA program at the University of Baltimore, working full-time, and losing my mind. I’d say the only thing that’s changed is that I graduated so I’m no longer in the program. I still see and spend time with many people from there though. Of course, I’ve also lost touch with some, but such is life. Makes it easier to write about them though, if I’m being completely honest. Albeit, I’m still working a job and losing my mind. I still have copies left from the original printing, with all the overlooked mistakes that have been pointed out to me by obnoxious readers. Relax, my first self-publishing gig isn’t going to be perfect. Mistakes are inevitable. Not that there were a lot of mistakes… Anyway, it’s crazy to think how far I’ve come and how far I want to go.

You see, my current problem is being dissatisfied. I’ve accomplished a lot. A book was on my bucket list. Now, I’m trying to write another (this one is nonfiction) as well as promote the one I have and attempt a chapbook (poetry). It’s still not enough. I’m tired, but I’m restless. That’s why I’m keeping this blog going. That’s why I’m still writing.

Besides that, I have a fear of contentedness, because if you’re not trying to improve yourself, your work, then you’re not better and you’re probably not staying the same either. You’re in decline. Most people who enter states of contentedness and inactivity begin this process of atrophy without realizing it, because you can never really stay the same, even if you want to.

The metaphor I’ll use which may or may not be considered an apt metaphor: It’s like being on fire but never burning up.

Yeah, I’m kind of like that one bush that spoke to Moses only less well known. Like a lot less well known. Like a minuscule portion of the world’s population are aware of me and I don’t exist to the rest.

Digressing again.

You know what I didn’t do when my phone went off at 5AM on a Tuesday to let me know that work was called off? I didn’t write. I wrote some eventually, but that’s not the point. I went back to sleep and woke up several hours later. Greeted by stifled sunlight, I peeked out my bedroom window at what remained of just a light covering of a few inches. It was sleeting at that point. The chatter of fragmented ice pattered on closed windows that lead me to breakfast and coffee. Still, I didn’t write. I watched some videos online. I listened to music. I got ready for a day inside, but I didn’t write. I read a book too.

I waited all day to write, a day I had completely free to do whatever I wanted.

Looking back, I’m disappointed in myself. I don’t regret spending the day enjoying myself.  It was necessary. And I probably wouldn’t do it differently if I had the chance to redo the day. Says a lot. Says nothing too.

I’m at a point where I don’t know if this is problematic or not. I feel like it is. And there’s the issue.

I know you can’t work all the time. I mean, you absolutely can, but burning out isn’t helpful for creativity. At least, it isn’t for me.  In this case, back to the metaphor, if you’re a burning bush, it’s important to know that sometimes it rains. Can’t be on fire all the time. Anyway, when I can’t think, I can’t create. If I’m exhausted, rather than tired, it’s a lot like trying to pull the world out of nothing. It just can’t be done. Not by me. There’s a reason the phrase, “burning the candle at both ends,” is still notoriously negative. It means you’re hardworking but also too hard working. Also, more fire metaphors…

Side Note: How would you keep a candle like that? You couldn’t place it in a candle holder, that’s for sure. Do you have to hold it? That sounds painful. But it bring nuanced meaning to the phrase. Wouldn’t two candles not only be hold-able, but burn twice as long? You see each side of a candle burning at both ends would only have half a candle of light a piece, if that. Totally inefficient.

I did it again, didn’t I? Been tangential a lot lately, more so than usual. It has to do with working on too many things, a lot I don’t even want to be a part of, but work that pays is work that pays. I hope someone reads that and nods knowingly to themselves. If you did, we should be friends. If we’re not already friends, I’m sorry. I have a lot going on. I said that already…

In Buddhism, the term for a mind like mine is Monkey Mind. It’s an uncontrollable, capricious mind. When I’m not doing anything, it wanders.  The overactive mind is great for creativity, as long as you can reign it in and manage to be productive. With all my passion that’s a difficult task to perform. Stella made that painfully obvious. Of course, I only realized that after the fact. That’s normal though. It’s similar to having a great comeback to some insult hurled at you a week ago.

It’s been cold on and off, blue skies, chilled winds. Blooming pear trees blossomed white, now turn decaying brown. I try to notice nature as best I can. It helps me to clear my mind, calm it. Helps the writing. Long walks. Presumably, we won’t have most of current nature for much longer, which is another reason to cherish it. One day we might only know constant, ravaging snowstorms, or forget what snow looks like. Then I’ll be trapped inside and unable to write. Maybe a year from now I’ll be experiencing something like that. Hopefully not.

 

  1. Where to?

I’d like to think that I’d keep this blog going even if I were to venture somewhere, anywhere. I’d keep it going, if not for my readers or potential readers, then for me. And if someone should take something from it, all the more reason to continue.

I am going somewhere. At least, I think I am. I have a few pieces being published. I also should be having a reading coming up in May. I’ll post about that more when everything is made more certain. A couple chapters have been written for my next manuscript. I’ve even been reading and finishing books for research purposes. This is still not enough, and I have to discover what is for me. Most people have to. Most people reach their twenties and figure out what they want to do, whether or not they can do it, know more of who they are, and somehow calm down a bit. No thank you. I’m 28 now. I feel like I should know more, but I’m ok with that not being the case. I’m aware that most people are in a similar, if not the same, situation. It’s oddly reassuring.

By the time you’re reading this, it will be April. There’s more sunlight, rain, and heat than there have been for a while. More birds singing. More time that can be spent outside. Less time to write. More time to be frustrated. Probably more readings too. I won’t be able to do everything I want to.

I hope that you can do what you want to do, within reason. Dreams are less achievable for many than they have ever been. They can still be reached, but the times have not changed for the better. Despite this, it’s important to not give up, especially if you’re an artist. It has never been easy. It probably never will be. You may not end up the kind of successful that you want to be or feel you need to be. Do not let that take away from what you are doing. Do not allow that to diminish your passions. Although I know it happens to many of us.

I’m thinking of leaving Baltimore. I think that every year. And every year I realize the security in my job that helps me pay the rent and allows me to have health insurance. Every year I have some health concern or private matter that needs to be dealt with first. Every year there is something. My own fears are constant. How do you establish yourself somewhere new, especially as an adult? It’s a big decision.

There’s also the fact that I kind of like it here, despite some things that have happened and a lack of employment possibilities in my field. In the arts, there’s a lot happening in Baltimore. Plus friends. Some of whom have already moved on to other, often bigger things or are on the cusp of doing so. If they can do it, why can’t I? In other words, there’s nothing stopping me except the occasional snow storm.

 

 

 

To Whom It May Concern/Reader:

 

I would like to thank you for reading this blog. Whether you have been reading from the beginning or just started with this one, I appreciate you and your literacy. Welcome all! For those reading into what I said in this piece, do not worry about future content as I will continue to produce it for the foreseeable future. I mean, I believe I said that more than once anyway, but you can never be too sure. I do ask that you please continue to support me in whatever way you can. I will do my best to share what I know and what I learn with you. I will also keep everyone who is interested up to date on all my writing and art related activities. Again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

 

Yours,

 

Nathan