Nathan Hollaway

Losing Passion

Below is a post I wrote last year before I began my classes and various projects that have consumed any free time I actually have. I was wasting my time, and I wasn’t doing anything to change my habits. Of course, I had no motivation to do so. I’m publishing it now to show what it sounds like when a person loses their passion. I am still dealing with this. I have no answers or solutions for you, other than to keep going or change the path your on, change what you’re doing. It’s important, if you are burned out, to find something else that catches you on fire again.

 

 

 

I don’t want to come here and write to a handful of people who don’t seem to care. You, reading this right now, do you care? Are you a creative person who wants to connect with other creatives and, possibly, learn from each other? Because I’m not getting that from anyone at the moment.

Although, I’m not completely sure if that matters. I’m still learning, after all.

I go home and, if I don’t workout, I get online and watch a video or movie. I don’t read. I don’t write.  Well, sometimes I’ll read and sometimes I’ll write, but it’s nowhere near the scale it was before.

I feel guilty. I still get excited for all the ideas I have and continue to have. I’m just no longer motivated or happy to make them into anything. I don’t want to write.

I DON’T WANT TO WRITE.

That is, I don’t want to write right now. I’m unmotivated. I can’t work up any gumption. In fairness, I don’t really want to do anything, which may have to do with other things, overarching things, things beyond my control.

In my head, I think I should write a second book piece-by-piece, get those pieces published individually and then try to get the whole thing published. And I’ve been trying it, although it’s been a slow, miserable, grinding process. I’m about ready to give up. No, that’s not completely right. I’m ready to give up. I want to give up.

I WANT TO GIVE UP.

The idea behind this blog was to write about life and experiences with and for other creative people. It was also a way to keep something going and changing on this site. I’ve somehow managed to keep this going. I’m not entirely sure how.

Here’s an excellent piece by Katy Cowan called Creatives, if you’ve lost your passion, don’t be afraid to change. If you want more like this or on the subject of losing passion, I guarantee that if you google something along the lines of losing your creative passion, you’ll get a plethora of results.

 

Any questions and comments are welcome here. Have any suggestions for future blogs or content, feel free to let me know.

 

All the best,

 

Nathan

I Stopped Writing [Clickbait]: But No, I Really Did Stop.

In November, which was about two months ago , I stopped writing. *GASP*

In fairness, I really stalled out in October. That is, I stopped my major book writing project. It just turned difficult with work stuff, health stuff, and various other stressful and less stressful things. November, ironically, is when I stopped trying to write the book stuff. I still wrote though. I’m intentionally being misleading. I try to write, if not every day, then most days out of the week. I’m writing this in November, for instance.

But I did take on side projects.

Yeah, and then I started making Christmas cards for family members. It started with the immediate family, and then I got carried away with it, kind of. I used InDesign, Illustrator, and Photoshop, all skills obtained via graduate school. I researched card sizes. I searched for decent card stocks available at affordable prices. I had to figure out how I was going to print and cut them. I did everything, and I had fun doing it. It was great to do on multiple levels. I was not only able to use my skills to help me get something out in the world for people that I cared about, but I also was able to refresh myself on what I really enjoy doing outside of, well, writing. Plus, it was great to have a project that wasn’t strictly word and story based, not that there’s anything wrong with that per say.

I’ve said it before in previous blogs: When you come to a wall or are burned out, besides pushing through, take a break and do something else that utilizes the creativity in you.

You’ll either find your old drive rejuvenated or you’ll discover a new flame.

I made over a dozen individual, custom sized Christmas/Holiday cards, and I had a blast doing it! I got to be as specific and inventive as I wanted. No restrictions placed on myself. It was what I needed.

 

New Year blah blah blah…

You may be wondering to yourself, “Why the new year repetition?” If you’re not, you should be. It’s quite simple, really. This state of creativity or lack thereof is common. Most likely everyone or almost everyone reading this and otherwise who fancies themselves creative in any way and does a creative thing almost exclusively will go through this. And it will happen more than once. It’s no happenstance, freak occurrence. It’s an ailment of the routine and overdoing and boredom.

But, rest assured, it is not a permanent state, usually. What I prescribe might not necessarily be right for you, but you will be able to find your own remedy. I am merely here to give fair warning, and help when and where I can. That’s the idea anyway.

Seriously though… What have I been writing?

Poems mostly. For a while there, I was trying to create a chapbook, but I mostly gave that up. Lately, poetry has come easiest to me. When I want to write but I’m finding it difficult, I’ll go down to the park, watch what’s going on, smell the air, listen, and write a poem detailing everything that I’m experiencing. It’s something I was instructed to do way back when in under grad that I still do, because it works. Granted, the original assignment was just to be a voyeur and write about people, but I found nuances in it which help me when I’m struggling that I enjoy implementing.

I do intend to get back to book writing eventually. Part of the problem is life. It’s hectic and stressful, and it makes it difficult to put in the time and effort I would need to write something this big. That said, I did end up writing about six out of nine essays that I intended to have created. So, I’m not far off from the plan. I’m just on hiatus.

Of course, I couldn’t go without using my creative muscles. Hence the cards.

I’ve seen a lot of people start and eventually give up on projects they’ve set for themselves. I’ve seen a lot of people never return to finish those projects. I’m fortunate in that I’m stubborn about finishing things that I start. I’m aware not everyone is like that. Some of you will need restrictions and/or deadlines from outside sources, and that’s perfectly fine. It’s certainly a good motivator, at the very least. Also, if it’s just something for you, it can be less rewarding than, let’s say, if you’re getting paid to do something. That’s cool too. Money can help immensely.

That said, if you have trouble finishing things that you start for yourself, bring in another person. It can be incredibly helpful to have someone else to rely on to push you into accomplishing goals you set for yourself. That is, I recommend having someone that will hold you accountable and apply pressure when needed. You can’t do everything on your own.

Well, unless you’re crazy like me…

 

The Key to Success

Accomplishing goals, finishing self-imposed projects, getting published, giving readings, sometimes getting paid for these things, and not having everything spin out of control. These are all elements of what I would consider success.

I think it’s important to understand that success is a subjective term. It can be measured by societal expectations but, ultimately, it’s really a case-by-case thing that is dependent on an individual’s expectations and understandings.

Personally, being able to see through any creative endeavors, whether I’ve made them for myself or been given them by another person, is indicative of me being successful.

So, I can absolutely give up writing, sort of, even for a couple months, and still be successful.

It comes down to perspective.

If you think that fame and fortune are what constitutes as success, which is understandable if you have always lived in a capitalistic society that tells you that, then that’s your bar. I will give fair warning in this regard that viewing that as success may be devastating, especially in the arts where that is rarely accomplished. Of course, if that’s what you want, then that’s what you want.

 

I encourage people to pursue what makes them happy, within reason, morality, and civility. We’re all going to be here for only so long. And have a great 2018!

 

Yours,

Nathan

The People You Know Pt. 2

There are many ways to ask people permission. That is, if you’re going to. As previously stated in another post from June of 2016, The People You Know, which you should read if you haven’t already, some don’t. Again, personal preference is abundant here. What follows are just a few that I’ve used, heard others use, and/or thought of as a possibility.

 

  1. The Sit Down
  • With this one, it’s not necessary to show the person the work, and this can be done prior to conceptualizing whatever you’re about to create. This involves close, personal contact. You’ll have to be in the same room as the person you’re writing or using as your muse. I recommend doing this as a one-on-one type meeting. Invite them in and/or over to two chairs preferably across from each other with a table between the two of you, but you can also sit side-by-side. It all depends on whether or not you want to turn your body or have some space just in case things go awry. Then ask them if it’s ok to write about them. I recommend direct eye contact in this scenario, as you sit across from them, because shifty eyes can give them the feeling that something is amiss, which it might be depending on what you’re going to do with them in your piece. Keep in mind, a lack of steady eyes and confidence will be your undoing.
  1. The Stand Up
  • This is exactly the same as the Sit Down except that you, well, stand up. The only benefit that I can think of is that it’s noticeably more awkward and the person you’re talking to might come to an answer or a yes faster just so they can get away from the situation. Also probably works more effectively on and for impatient people.
  1. The Phone Call
  • Seriously, if you don’t get what to do here, then I don’t know what to tell you. Call the person up and ask them if it’s cool. Don’t actually say, “Is it cool,” though. Explain what you’re doing and what you need from them, which is permission.
  • Pros: Zero body language to be read and mistranslated. You can do this anywhere you can use a phone.
  • Cons: Can be interpreted as impersonal. It might be impersonal, but probably not as bad as the next.
  1. The Text
  • Again, similar to The Phone Call, except in this version, you send a text message as the request as opposed to verbal dialogue. Similar pros and cons too.
  1. The Email
  • You can make this seem professional with a To Whom It May Concern, or give it a more personal Dear; or just put the person’s name for a more nonchalant feel. Similar to the text, but usually more structured, The Email is a quick and easy way to ask. Unfortunately, you’ll need internet access, but this isn’t the 1990s so you should be fine.
  1. The Pass Off or Handover
  • It sounds weird, but it’s simple. You create the piece, right? Once you’re done, you approach the person the piece is about, you pass off a copy to them, and then you say, “Is this all right?” If they say, “Yes,” good for you, and if they say, “No,” then you don’t have permission. If you fail on obtaining permission in this manner you can go with the other options, redo whatever you made and try this again later, or you can choose to go through with it anyway and risk the relationship. You know, whichever is easier for you, I guess.
  1. The Tell
  • Not like in poker, The Tell isn’t really about getting permission. It’s more about letting them know what you’re up to. It’s for the person who doesn’t care all that much, but doesn’t want to seem like a complete asshole. It’s rather straightforward, anyway you want to do it, let the subject know what you’re doing. It doesn’t matter if they say yes or no or act confused, them knowing counts as permission.
  1. The Waiver
  • What do you want me to say? Write up a waiver and get them to read it and then sign and date it. I’ve never heard of anyone who isn’t a lawyer doing this, but you’re welcome to give it a try. It will certainly, possibly remove virtually all risk from any potential, future legal trouble this may present.
  1. The Contract
  • This is similar to The Waiver, except with The Contract the two of you discuss what can and cannot be used as material. You come to some sort of mutual agreement, and then you can sign a sheet with each other’s stipulations or just verbally agree on the matter. This may be the best for the person who is being used for your art, but may be the most harmful for it too.
  1. The Surrogate
  • All you have to do for this one is get someone else to do it for you, hence the name of this strategy. I recommend getting someone to do this that the person you’re creating about likes and/or trusts, preferably more than you. This is especially useful for the person that you don’t know that well or who doesn’t like you. The problem with this is that you risk completely ruining your relationship with the person you’re creating about and possibly the relationship that person has with your surrogate.

 

 

All of these are real scenarios albeit more on the tongue-in-cheek side. In all seriousness, it can be a nice step in a relationship to talk to other people about the possibility of using them in your writing or any creative endeavor. People tend to appreciate it if you do, but, as I’ve said repeatedly, you don’t have to. How you handle or don’t handle the situation is entirely up to you. I hope that your creating goes well, and that you don’t lose anyone in the process. Although, that’s the way it goes sometime. I’ll attempt to touch upon that later in another piece.

 

Peace,

Nathan

Something is coming.

No, that’s not a euphemism. Well, maybe it is a little. This is really more of a teaser than anything. I have some plans to denounce the literary system and start something of my own. I’m done with school, I have a full time job, and I’m relatively content for now. So, I figured I’d give myself something else to do. I’m working hard and I hope that you will like it when it happens.

 

Keep your eyes peeled!

 

Love or something,

 

Nathan

coming soon

Update for 10/1/2015

Hello everyone!

It’s been a while since I have done anything like an update.

Currently, I have nothing planned for the near future, but that doesn’t mean that something isn’t going to happen. There are potential readings in the works. So, keep checking this site for any updates there.

Also, I am open to any events, reading or otherwise, that anyone would like to suggest to me. The more the better!

Baltimore Bookfest

The Bookfest was fun. I was able to talk to some people who were passionate about books, writing, and/or reading. I will also say that it was an eventful learning experience. Mostly, I rediscovered how fortunate I am to have some wonderful and talented people in my life. I also am grateful that I was able to work with some of them at this event.

An Older Young Man

The book is still on sale! Get your copy today! It makes a great present for the holidays or for anyone who enjoys reading. Click on the image to purchase your copy now:

Hollaway cover only

Keep your eyes out for more updates to come!

As always, thank you all for your continued support.

Nathan

Readings and Specials

I have TWO great things happening! 

1. I’m having a sale on my book! The price is now $10+S&H. Click on the image below to buy your copy today!

Hollaway cover only

2.Baltimore Book Festival, featuring yours truly and a slew of other amazing authors from the Baltimore area. If you come there on the 25th between 3PM and 7PM and the 27th between 11AM and 2PM, you are guaranteed to see me. If you come any other time, you’re guaranteed to see some of the most talented and wonderful people I know.
Located: Baltimore Inner Harbor When: Sept 25-27, 2015; Fri – Sun: 11am – 7pm
Festival Website: https://www.baltimorebookfestival.com/home

New Update!

If you’re wondering what’s been going on, I’m here to update you. I went on a small vacation, but I am back now. I set up an Events page in the menu, which is that weird thing next to the website header that appears to be floating.

Here’s where you can find my events: https://nathanhollaway.com/events/

What’s happening so far is that 1. I am giving a reading on August 14th at Harbor Church located on Block Island, Rhode Island. There will also be a live musician plus free food and coffee. Food and drink will be served at 6:30PM, and the entertainment will begin at 7PM, and 2. I and some other amazing local authors will be manning a booth at the Baltimore Book Festival, Sept 25-27, 2015; Fri – Sun: 11am – 7pm, located in the Baltimore Inner Harbor.

I’m hoping to get more things in the works, and I would be beyond grateful to anyone who shows any interest in giving me reading gigs or any gigs, for that matter.

Also, be on the lookout for a special sale.

Thank you everyone,

Nathan

Post-Launch Update (5/11/15)

Hello Everyone!

I hope this week, or whenever you end up reading this, treats you well. The release and reading was phenomenal. Being on stage and reading to such a large group of lovely people was exhilarating, and the response I got from them was greater than anything I imagined I would receive. I’m sure that I’ll be writing about this in the future. I feel like I signed a lot of books, and I believe I made more people laugh than I have my entire life. Although somewhat redundant, Friday night was fantastic and one that I will never forget. My drive to write is stronger than ever.

What’s next?

I have a few projects I’m going to work on. One of those is a zine for rejected pieces from University of Baltimore related writers called, Reject. We’re still working on that, but I will update when that is going to happen. I’m also planning on helping out the Plork Press, on a University of Baltimore student/alumni/faculty/staff anthology of flash pieces based off the beloved poem that everyone in the program is taught, Wallace Steven’s, Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird.

I’m hoping to also have some readings in the future to help promote me, my book, and the art as a whole. If you would like me to read somewhere, please feel free to contact me.

One thing that is happening, is I am taking a small vacation. I’m leaving for a week to recoup as the writing of my book has been exhausting, but in the best way possible. Once I’m back, I plan on diving in with both feet, so to speak.

What about book orders?

I’m still accepting them. They’re at full price now, but you’re assured a book as long as I have them. Once I run out, I’ll take the link away. Click on the image to purchase a copy:

Hollaway cover only

In Conclusion, ect.

I’m so happy to be doing what I’m doing, and to be able to share it with so many amazing people. I look forward to what’s next.

All the best,

Nathan

Release Party and Order Now!

Come to the release of my new book, An Older Young Man. Many talented and wonderful writers will also be debuting as part of the graduating group of the University of Baltimore’s MFA in Creative Writing & Publishing Arts. We are having it in the Wright Theater located on the 5th floor of the Student Center (21 W. Mount Royal Ave) at 7PM. If you come you can receive a discounted copy of my book at $10. It’s free, and there will be free food and beverages provided. It’s a good time! I can’t wait to see you!

Release Reading/Party Facebook event: HERE!

ALSO, order my new book, An Older Young Man. Click on the cover to order:

Hollaway cover only

What is this book?

It’s a collection of memoirs/personal essays focusing on the more intense moments of my life, and seeing how those shaped me. This ranges from my first experiences with girls, to dangerous tumors, to mishaps in malls , and much, much more. Order now or get yourself a copy at the release!